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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Seeking advise
Post Info TOPIC: Seeking advise
JD2112


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Seeking advise
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Where to begin,I'm going to try and keep this short, I could write a book if I wanted but I'll give the cliff notes so you get the idea.

My wife is what I call a weekend alcoholic. She only drinks one night a week either Friday or Saturday. Every once and a while a weeknight will get thrown in the mix but not often , maybe 4 or 5 times a year.  She has a small group of "drinking" friends. They are people who drink to excess like she does and she always ends up with one of them on a Friday or Saturday night. 

It's goes like this, she will tell me Friday morning she is going to happy hour with one of these friends, or sometimes just going out with coworkers. She will get a good buzz going and then drive home. She claims she always heads home before she is too drunk to drive, but I've seen her come through the front door stumbling and slurring more times then I care to mention. She usually is home by 8:00 or 9:00 and she will continue to drink more at home. She has no shut off valve. Or if it's a Saturday that she is going to drink she will tell me she's going to one of her friend houses (one of them usually text's her to see if she up for it) and again she will get "Buzzed" and continue to drink  more once she gets home. Then she will spend the next day in bed until about 3:00 in the afternoon. During the week when she's not drinking she is the nicest person in the world, but when she drinks she turns into a stupid , moronic ****le. It's unbelievable. The things she says and does would blow your mind, but I'm not going to get into that here. However then next day it's all "Hi honey" "love you" like the previous night never happened.

I've told her several times she needs to get it under control and she will go easy for a weekend (by easy I mean she will only drink 6 to 8 beers instead of an 18 pack) and then the next weekend she's right back at it. It reached the point 2 years ago where I will no longer go to public events with her if there will be drinking, it's just too embarrassing.  She gets so drunk she slurs her words, she stumbles around like a fool. She even gets out of bed in the middle of the night while drunk and tries to cook things to eat, I refer to this as the "Drunkin' Gourmet"  How she has not burned herself amazes me. I've got up to find her leaning over a hot frying pan on the stove eating what appeared to be a tortured grilled cheese sandwich. I even video taped this once and showed it to her hoping it would open her eyes. But all it did was make her mad that I would do such a mean thing like video taping her.

Recently I've told her she really needs to stop drinking completely. She tells me it's who she is and she works hard all week , which she does, and that she deserves and night to party. So she is not willing to stop.

I can't stand it any longer , I dread the weekends now. I am so turned off by alcohol I myself can't even enjoy a cold beer while watching a game on TV anymore.  I guess my next step is to tell her to get help and quit drinking or I will file for divorce and be done with it. I love her, but I also hate her when she's drinking, and the one night a week of "bad" has now overtaken the 6 nights of "good".  It's to the point now where it's just not worth it anymore. Would you just end it? I'm thinking that's my best and only option at this point.

Any suggestions are welcome.



-- Edited by JD2112 on Monday 4th of March 2013 10:45:39 AM



-- Edited by JD2112 on Monday 4th of March 2013 10:46:28 AM



-- Edited by JD2112 on Monday 4th of March 2013 10:47:00 AM



-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 4th of March 2013 11:16:17 AM

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hotrod


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--

HI JD
Welcome to Miracles in Progress
Glad you found us and reached out Here and at alanon meetings we believe that alcoholism is a disease over which we are powerless. Living with the affects of this disease causes many to need a program of recovery of our own. Alanon is an organization that was founded by the wife of the founder of AA after he became sober. So, before making any permanent decisions about your marriage I urge you to check out alanon face to face meetings in your community .Help with finding local meetings near where you live may be found at the following web site:http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Keep coming back here as well You are not alone


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
canadianguy


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You and I are living parallel lives - mine just happened to be 15 years ago....

I would encourage you to try Al-Anon, and see what you are able/willing to learn for YOU.  Bottom line (and this one is disappointing), is all the ultimatums in the world aren't going to make your AW stop drinking... she is an alcoholic, and needs to choose sobriety for herself.... Your "rock bottom" isn't the same place (typically not even close) to HER rock bottom, and she'll fight tooth & nail for her right to remain in her disease.... 

I'd encourage you to read posts on here, continue to grow in your knowledge and awareness about her disease, and what YOU are going through, as a result...  No simple or short-term answers, other than to take care of yourself...  Learning about "detachment" is huge, and will start to give you some peace of mind....  I know how bleak you feel that your future looks right now, and it could be, but first things first... get yourself in a healthy place first, and see how things progress from there.

 

Take care, and hope you keep coming back

Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
Jerry F


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Aloha JD and also welcome to the board...there a men here with very similar stories as your and I hope that they call come forward to relate with you.  Yes your story is mine also with some differences...there are aways some "differences" and it's the similarities that reveal to us that we are affected by someone elses drinking.  That is the only qualification for the Al-Anon Family Groups which I finally found myself in after rejecting all help.  There isn't much help in telling you my story...you're living it now and it is as insane now as it was like back then for me.   Taking my focus off of "her" and bringing it into the AFG face to face groups helped me to put my focus on myself...the what is "my part" in it.  No I didn't make her drink...I didn't (C)ause it.  Yes I spent much time and energy trying to get her to moderate her drinking and drug using so I couldn't (C)ontrol it and as I came to understand in the rooms it is an incurable disease and I would never (C)ure it.  I learned the 3 Cs of Al-Anon Recovery along with alot of other invaluable things.   I put my energy behind what Betty and Tom have said because I know those things worked for me and for thousands of others I know in recovery.  Find out where and when we get together in your town and come out and join us one day at a time.   (((hugs))) smile



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JD2112


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Update: Last night was it. She got loaded, drove drunk, came home, drank more, called a cab and went to a dive bar, got home at 2:00am. This is not a person I want to spend another second with. I'm filing for Divorce this week. Thanks for the info, but it appears my problem is solved.

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