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It has been a very difficult two weeks. My AH was arrested for domestic vandalism (he broke a window, I called the police). As a result he checked himself into an inpatient detox for 6 days and is now in an IOP program. He has been diagnosed bipolar and mild schizophrenic. Wed we go to the pretrial hearing, and he refuses to contact a private atty or public defender. Ive spoken with the court advocate and told her I dont want to pursue any charges, because he has voluntarily sought help. Im just worried that he will do or say something in court that will make this worse.
I'm so sorry this is happening. It sounds as if you are quite concerned for him -- do take excellent care of yourself too. That sounds like a frightening event.
Paris, my AH too was diagnosed with bipolar back in August after a suicide attempt. His problems with drugs, alcohol, etc. go way back for him. They often self medicate. My AH too had fits of rage and outbursts that were frightening. The sad truth is you can't help him, it has to play out. My AH went from 72 hour pschy lock down to a 30 day treatment center, I made him leave our home and it really took months before the medications started to work. He is still struggling. It is soooo hard when we are not only dealing with the alcohol but with mental illness on top. Unfortunately, most people have little sympathy for those with mental illness and simply view them as weak, you have no idea of the horrible things people said to me after my AH's very public suicide attempt, I have learned to ignore them. The only advice I can give you is despite his mental illness you must still make him accountable for his actions. If you allow that to become the new excuse for bad behavior you are sure in for only torment. Allow what he is going to do and how he will behave to play out, sometimes they need a serious serious wake up call to really start the work on themselves, this may be the case for your husband. I still vasilate between divorcing my AH and giving him more tiime to work on himself. It is tough and his situation is complicated at best. I can tell you that since making my AH move out it has given me time to find peace and quiet, try to get myself back on track and figure out how to move forward. Be kind with yourself. You have support and love here. Good luck! TS
Thank you for the support and encouragement. I know I must just let this play out but it is so scary.
My HP will guide me. Funny, My birthday was the other day and AH bought me a card with a picture of the Eiffel tower. Apparently he remembers better days too.
Paris...do prayers coming your way especially for you so that you do what you need to do for your self and have the strength to do. Do not be fooled by the manipulations of the addict and alcoholic so that they can cause others to not hold them responsible for their behaviors. One is that you won't file charges. He knows you won't and for him that is a given...he'll get away with that. If you don't follow thru both of you will continue to do what you've done that causes the problem to exist. Short term IOP doesn't help very well for a long term drinker and user. I am a recovering alcoholic myself and enabling spouse. I am a former behavioral health therapist who worked in and out patient rehab for alcoholics, addicts, of all ages and the family and and and...I am also a former Alternatives To Violence Mens case manager and have generated TRO's and helped the spouses and family to hold to them to take the wiggle room out of this manipulative disease. There is a marked difference between a psych diagnosis and a chemical diagnosis. The mental health field has often said that the alcoholic and addict drink and use because they have problem while the chemical recover field says that the alcoholic and addict have trouble because they drink and use. I've worked both sides of that explanation and go with the second from experience. Get to a meeting and talk to the fellowship and ask them for their ESH like you are doing here. In support. ((((hugs))))
