The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
it has been over 2 weeks that I seperated from my ABF. Struggle, fear, sadness, anger.... i let it all happen, and pass. and spending much time with people that are positive and do me good, and polishing up my social life a little bit. it's actually amazing how I put myself in the last row of my own life while being with the A. More than ever I notice now how much it has always been about him him him.... and how I put my life on pause....my own responsibility, I know.
So Friday I have been out for dinner with friends (healthy food-healthy body-healthy mind , and then the A calls. I missed that one, not even on purpose, but just because lately I don't care about my phone anymore. I get a message taht says, 'you don't know what I've been through.... how much I miss you....my heart still feels the same....and I'm not ANGRY anymore...I cannot hate you....you are not in this alone'.....EXCUSE ME!!!!??? It's funny...let me remind you that he has had a double life with another girl all along, that he has manipulated and cheated and lied, and that he has abused me verbally just after that, told me that he found real love with that girl... oh and like a gentle-man spitted on me when I kicked him out....and he is 'not angry at me anymore' ??? How twisted are their realities???..... I mean, i know I have done some mistakes in life and reacted not the best way at some bad situations... but at this one I had to laugh....it sounds like 'the very generous king has forgiven his mistress, she can eat at his table again.....' wow, again, my imagination was not good enough to preview that one.
anyway, proud to say, I didn't react, didn't pick up, didn't answer and didn't get much turmoil out of it.... this craziness is just SPECTACULAR! hope my detachment gets stronger with the days.
Just had to share ...and vent a little bit
I am enjoying peaceful spring here actually, lovely greetings to you all.
Well done. Your program looks so good. Yes they truly are little kings. This reminds me of the merry round literature. You my friend have stepped off. X
Hi. I identify with your situation. In the Big Book in the sex conduct part of step 4 it says that "to yield would mean heartache". In other words, I would try not to pick up the phone or react or even get involved in these relationships but every few years or so it would happen again.
Change the names of the guys and in reality it was always just the same person.
I had nothing in common with these people except maybe we liked the same movie or we had a mutual friend or we came from the same town...there was nothing spiritually common or matured about either one of us.
There would be all this chaos and we'd go back and forth until we had sucked each other dry of self esteem. And I always end up in this horrific pain trying to get over it with my ego and pride rather than through it. It was a contest of who could do better and blah blah blah. Gossip, ignoring, causing jealousy and all this jr high school crap.
Time does not heal all wounds, we just repeat it, so when I was in enough pain I accepted the plan outlined in the Book and went through it.
What a journey.
Yeah it's painful but no pain, no gain. I had to work thru it anyway and that was the only way that did it.
I needed to understand the ideas emotions and attitudes that were the guiding forces of my life. And then I found a solution that has changed my attractions.
Today I don't go for the guys I used to, I go for MEN. I would never allow the guys I used to into my life let alone my home. That is NoT the best it can get for us.
, and then the A calls. I missed that one, not even on purpose, but just because lately I don't care about my phone anymore. I get a message taht says, 'you don't know what I've been through.... how much I miss you....my heart still feels the same....and I'm not ANGRY anymore...I cannot hate you....you are not in this alone'.....EXCUSE ME!!!!??? It's funny...let me remind you that he has had a double life with another girl all along, that he has manipulated and cheated and lied, and that he has abused me verbally just after that, told me that he found real love with that girl... oh and like a gentle-man spitted on me when I kicked him out....and he is 'not angry at me anymore' ??? How twisted are their realities???..... I mean, i know I have done some mistakes in life and reacted not the best way at some bad situations... but at this one I had to laugh....it sounds like 'the very generous king has forgiven his mistress, she can eat at his table again.....' wow, again, my imagination was not good enough to preview that one.
