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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Guess I should have not sugared it.
Post Info TOPIC: Guess I should have not sugared it.
Debilyn


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Guess I should have not sugared it.
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The experience I had, I wrote lightly about it. In reality it was extremely scarey, and I am still feeling uncomfortable and have not gone out again.

My ex AH physically hurt me badly once. Before that it was a poke in the back or well nothing that hurt and I was prepared to protect me. But the complete turn around in him was very unexpected and awful.

Someone pointed out how that could be why I don't like the attention of men. That I don't know what might happen.

As I said the bus was full, I was between him and the wall. I had my back on the wall facing him when he tried to put his arm behind me. For thirty min I was tense, frightened like a rabbit with a wolf in front of it.In my head I thought,"he just told me murder." So then how does one say leave me alone, or anything??? I know no one on this bus cares about me, most are homeless, uneducated, and or low iq people. I just do not like to drive and usually it is not that full!

Anyway I have shared I am working on me. I am dressing different, more like i used to. Doing my best to feel attractive again and feminine. simple not cheap. Have lost lots of unhealthy fat. But here it goes, the attention. NOT bad attention but I do not like it. This guy was so polite, treated me very nicely, only said that one inappropriate thing, but nowdays people talk about things well discriptions of some pretty intimate things just while shopping!!

But it was so unnerving for me. I am having nightmares, no appetite, depressed. I move back home cuz of the meth addicts up there in the mountains. Down here, well I shared.

It can even be someone who holds a door for me and asks do you need help carrying that? ugh.

right now I am fencing my place so no one can drive up my driveway. Complete strangers will just drive up. I don't like that. They can call me or honk.

wish I could afford therapy....ugh. my tummy feels like I drank milk and vinegar. guess I need to figure out how to battle feeling vulinerable. Maybe I really do need to get my concealed weapon permit. not to use it but to know it is there if I need it.

Its been a, stop the world i want to get off, the last couple days..... love,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
rehprof


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Sounds like this incident has tripped your trigger.

You are not powerless this time though. I have learned to be very prickly and clear if I am getting unwanted attention. e.g. "do NOT touch me!" Someone would have come to your defense. He had NO right. 

You have every right to demand your personal space, even if you are in a halter top and mini-skirt. 

I often wear bear totems when I am feeling rabbity. It helps to remind me that I am powerful..I'd encourage you to get in touch with that side of you...you are STRONG. Channel that bear energy.

My counselor has me doing things outside my comfort zone. I'd encourage you to go out...walk with power and purpose...and if you get unwanted attention..you can stop it with a steely glare...or a clear communication of what you won't put up with. I practiced walking when I was out -- head up, shoulders back...and people get a different vibe...walking with power. (with my keys in my hand pointing out...just in case)

thinking of you and sending you strength

RP

 

 

 



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AngieP


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I too was Physically attacked by my A & I moved out after that. When I was dealing with the criminal case & I share with the detective how I couldn't defend myself against my A (I always thought I would be able to) I couldn't ever get my knee high enough to hit him in the crotch as he is 6'2 & me 5'1.. That officer gave me some great advice I want to pass on. He suggested I might take a self defense class just to feel more confident in myself & my ability to defend myself in the future against anyone! I thought it was a great idea & still plan to do it. Just a thought.. Might make you feel more prepared as well. I certainly know your encounter with that strange man was creepy!

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hotrod


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Hi Deb
Living in NYC I have encountered unwanted attention while traveling our Mass Transit system. It is unnerving.   I am so sorry that you had such a difficult situation while traveling. It to so important to attempt to resolve this frightful inner fear so that venturing out into the world is an uplifting experience instead of a fearful one.
 
I do think both suggestions are right on and could be very important in your recovery. The "Bettered Women" hotline in your community might be able to assist with counseling.
 
Please try not to isolate yourself, come here often, up your meetings, and trust HP.
 
You deserve to feel safe.


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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Debilyn


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thank you.All of you are right. I definitely will follow thru with the suggestions. I know part is my body is so much more fragile now and any injury can cause a blood clot and it is all over.

sending my love,debilyn (I decided when I get attention I am going to pray to hp that it is ok, and remember I am strong for my animals, I can be for me too)



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
tiredtonite


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I'm sorry you had a bad experience on the bus.  I understand and relate.  This has nothing to do with a woman looking attractive.  I think unwanted attention comes to men and women no matter what they are wearing or what they look like.  Please leave the responsibility for the behavior where it belongs with this very ill person. Your clothes and physical appearance are not the reasons he has no boundaries. Unfortunately, there are a lot of unsafe people roaming the streets and public transporation.  If you have a physical issue you're experiencing, some sort of disability, please take extra good care to keep safe because you don't have your full strength physically. I found by the doors or by the driver to be the best places for easy exit. It's a way to keep safe. I hope you feel better talking it out and the icky feeling passes soon.  It's no match for the years of safety you've provided yourself through your relationship with your higher power. Hugs!  TT



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Guess I should have not sugared it.