The material presented
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I think and pray about my daughter all the time. I'm afraid she's going to jail because she doesn't have the money to pay her court fines $900+. I know it would only take a credit card and a few clicks of the mouse to pay them for her but it will start the cycle all over again...
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Nothing is more fatiguing than the eternal hanging-on of an unfinished task.
She might never see the inside of a jail...she just might get "community service"...pray also that what ever she gets brings her ever closer and harder to her bottom so she screams "UNCLE" (that's what I screamed and it worked!!") and finds her way into recovery. ((((hugs))))
I have been there. I paid off 15 grand in fines for my son with no change. I have paid over 70 grand total with no change. I wish I had not done this and changed back then and maybe we would not be here right now.
I have forgiven myself and yes I still want to help but I just can't anymore. I won't anymore. My son has to feel the hurt. If I feel the hurt for him and give him a continued soft landing he will continue what he does. I have learn that I can love my son but also give him the dignity and respect to learn from his choices no matter what they are. When I have a feeling like your having I come here and talk about it, I go to meetings and see my counselor. I pray to God to help me though these times of crisis and give me the strength to let go and let God take over.
It didn't happen with my son but jail might be a bottom for her.....but if you continue to enable nothing will change
I can only hope and pray that homelessness will make some impact on my son.
I love him very much but he will truly feel the pain now....not me.
Your daughter and you are in my prayers.
Take care of you so you can be the best for her. Remember the 3C's
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
She needs to call the courts in that state and try and make arrangements to pay. Every state is different. She needs to tell them her situation and what can she do to keep these tickets from going to warrant and maybe jail time.
If she is concerned about this let her take care of it. Not mom
((( hugs ))
PS: I tried to control it all for him.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Very wise. She needs to feel her own consequences because thats how we learn. My son is also going to jail soon because he breached his probation, never turned up for meetings, just never really cared. Oh well all I can do is hope and pray that he learns and uses his experience as a way to move forward and take control of his own life.x
Even though it's been hard I haven't said a word to her about her fines, she says I micro-manage her life and won't let her drink in my home etc. etc. Guess she'll figure it out.....
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Nothing is more fatiguing than the eternal hanging-on of an unfinished task.
You need to set your boundaries like not drinking in your home. If your anything like I was you are micro-managing her life. I was super mom...I did it all.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Over the past 14 years my AH's grandfather has forked out tens of thousands to keep him out of trouble. Probably close to 100 grand. Has it helped? Not one darn bit. Don't take on the responsibility for something that is not your responsibility. I know you love her - I can't imagine my daughter in a similar situation (though she may be one day, she is only 6 now) and I am so sorry you are having to watch it unfold. But paying it for her won't help her.
