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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> still shakey and sick
Post Info TOPIC: still shakey and sick
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
still shakey and sick
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I am working on so many things. On not hiding myself, dressing more feminine, not being afraid to go out in public. Then next thing i know I am sitting next to a murderer A in a bus.

I am one that cannot take much and it tears my guts out. Then I isolate myself. Do my best to keep in light, but inside it churns like black poison.

My ex AH's disease robbed me of any security around men. Especially A men. Unless I get out there and face it I cannot heal. I did not ask for either of my recent situations to happen. NO I am not dressed sexy at all. Believe me I have learned women do not have to. You would be shocked what a guy sees that we do not.

I want to make clear, I meant I had on nicely fitting cloths, with a pretty lacy top but completely covered where it matters. Usually am in baggy pants, sweat shirt, not feminine at all.

Someone said that a woman in love is more attractive then when not. That is interesting. Probably becuz I feel happier, wanted, appreciated?

I learned that the better for worse thing, that there are times we will choose to keep loving someone. that feeling is not always there. would be exausting if it was.  Right now I am there.

Its been so so hard to go from attention, fun, talking, someone cared to this now. Feel like I am going thru a death. It hurts so much I don't want to care. When he gets thru this, how ever long it takes if he comes back I would love it. I know it is a horrible time of hurting, loss, brokeness. I have been there. HE has to do this on his own.

Its horribly hard on me. I choose to love him. as right now all I feel is pain. '

soooo I got on my overalls and sweatshirt, heading out to put in t posts so my doggies can have more room and a big area with no mud and can lay on the deck. PLUS all the doors will be fenced in so when they DART past me before i can ring their necks, they are fenced in. lol

i am playing with adopting a piglet so no one will eat him. they are a little breed of farm pig. ginny. they are 6 weeks old, I think I need something to make me insane....sigh. lol they are like a puppy and more, then they get older and want to be outside most the time. such happy souls....

Mip is the only reason I am not cocooned up in my bedroom. Al Anon skills make me put one foot in front of the other. though I don't live with an A, they are always around me.

sure will not be going out in the world anytime soon. thank goodness I live in an Eden.

hugs,debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Cathyinaz


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3026
Date:
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My dear Debilyn

I know where your coming from but I don't want love or a relationship myself. I have given up on that for now. To much heartache. You do want it and the pain your going though hurts.....I know because I went through that pain and hurt of losing. I tried the ultimate wrong....but I thank God I'm alive now. This was many years ago.

I can't seem to get out there again and hold up in my home most of the time. The only contact I have anymore with the outside world is my work. I have tried and tried...going out with my GF's but I can't seem to keep it up. I also have meetings but nothing outside of that.

I also know that is why I put so much into my son. He was my life and it's a death of sort.

Like you I know I have to change myself or I will never be happy. But until then I have made my choices

LOL...I wish I lived closer because I would love to see your family of pets and see a little of Eden.

Your in my prayers that you will find peace and not the hurt your feeling now. I understand

((((( hugs )))))



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 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
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