A little background...if you need it...My exAH refuses to speak with me.  Won't call.  Won't text.  Nothing, nada, zero, zip.  There is no way to even begin to describe how this is considered joint custody or co-parenting.  As of right now, due to his addictions and erratic behavior also for safety concerns, visitation was pulled and I have to give it at least 6 months before going to court to officially change it.  I am fully backed (and was encouraged to do this) by our child's therapist, my therapist and the court ordered mediator.  So...

He hasn't seen her in two months.  He sent one postcard in early January.  He sent one greeting card at the end of January.  In the past week and a half he has shown up at my house to see her three times when I am not home (skirting boundaries.)  It has upset her.  He tells her it's my fault he can't see her or call or anything.  I have no idea what condition he is in when he shows up but I purchased a security camera with audio that is being installed shortly.  He has my phone number to call and speak with her and if he's not slurring and erratic I will happily hand her the phone.  He can come to my home to see her - if I am there.  If I am there he doesn't pull the manipulative guilt talk when they have their few minutes.  I don't hover - it's just that he knows I'm there and he won't pull it.  He refuses to speak with me so I am unable to discuss any alternative ways to facilitate safe and healthy visits (the mediator gave me a couple of ideas.)  I would if I could but I can't force him to do anything - up to including contacting me in any capacity. 

So, I've had two great enablers contact me this week.  One that got caught contacting our child to pass messages (is this elementary school?) from her father.  Please know that he can call her at anytime.  He does not.  I stopped the contact and blocked them.  They contacted me to then go on and on...to which I responded if he wanted to speak with our child he could call and he could attend therapy.  This is a neighbor up the street - his best (addict) friend's sister...I finally said it was none of her business and asked her not to contact me.  So that worked. 

The second...to tell me everything he told her - my ex-sister-in-law that I used to get along with but now keep my distance - she's an addict and an enabler.  He is blaming me for all of it.  She is full of excuses for all of it.  He got fired recently - hence the upswing in contact...his new addict girlfriend also contacted my child via facebook and freaked her out (blocked her.)  My SIL was full of excuses for that too.  I don't generally speak to her but what does one say in these situations?  The first I could ask to MYOB.  The second?  She is a relative.  What to do about those kind of people?  I mean you can't argue that the addict has to take responsibility because the enabler is full of excuses...

Anyone have any ideas? Or words of wisdom?

On a positive note...I processed the situation, did what I could (blocked the toxic people & worked on more security) and was able to move past my frustrations and end the day on a good note.  Today I am not feeling as frustrated or angry about things.  I also have therapy tonight and can't wait to discuss this there!  I am empowered now.  I will not be manipulated, guilted or bullied anymore!  Our daughter knows her dad is sick and is able to call but chooses not so she gets that I am not the cause of the contact issues.  So there was some good there.