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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Talking to the ashes
Post Info TOPIC: Talking to the ashes
blondie99


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Talking to the ashes
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I've decided to make myself useful today, even though the Daytona 500 is on in the background. 

I am in the process of packing my AH's belongings away - I don't know where they will go, or when, but I feel I need to put them somewhere away from me for the time being.

So I'm putting laundry away, including some of his items that were left here when he moved away from me late last fall. Putting them into his dresser so it can just be wrapped up and moved away.

Inside the top drawer, I saw a small velvet bag that contains a small baggie of ashes.

In 2007, his dad - my FIL - passed away unexpectedly. I loved his dad so much - he was so funny and kind and smart. He was the kind of guy that was gruff and tough on the outside, but soft marshmallow goo on the inside. He reminds me a lot of my own qualifier dad, who died two years later, to the day, that my FIL did.

My FIL was also in recovery. He would take my AH to AA meetings for years, and tell him "remember if you ever need a place to go, these people will take care of you and will always be here for you."

I gently held the bag of ashes in my hands and started crying as I spoke to him.

"Dad - I'm so sorry that this disease is claiming your son. I tried everything I could to help him...first in not-so-good ways..."

"But as I got wiser in AlAnon I started making better decisions."

"I hope that you can understand that at this point, I've realized that this is completely out of my control. I've allowed him to cross boundaries that are sacred to me - fidelity, fiscal responsibility, acting as a responsible father. And I can't do it anymore."

"Dad, he's taken up with a woman who is sicker than him and I combined. He left his truck that you helped him find and buy with her while he's in rehab."

"He left this marriage a long time ago, Dad. I'm sorry that I have to move on, but it's time. I hope you can understand - maybe you can talk to my HP about it, throw in a good word for me because I'm in so much pain."

I tucked his ashes back away, ever so gently, in the drawer and closed it softly.

Oh Lord, this disease is so wicked, so cunning, so selfish and hateful. As much as I know that I can't take it away, I wish wish wish that I could.

I just have to be strong for myself and know that my HP, my dad, my FIL and all those that I loved that are with my HP now are taking care of me.



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Debilyn


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Thank you blondie, you sound like a very wise, sweet lady. hugs,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
hotrod


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Dear Blondie


Such a beautiful message and lovely prayer.

Thank You

In my thoughts and prayers

 



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
laurab


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Thank you for your post. You are so kind and loving.
Laura

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Jerry F


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Now it's listening time Blondie...you did your talking...now relax and listening with your ears and with your eyes.  Good Job!!  ((((hugs))))smile



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tiredtonite


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Hugs



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Breakingfree


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Wow, you are awesome! Sending you much love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Zimmy


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Thankyou for your post....brought a lump to my throat. Hugs


Love

Simone x

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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
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