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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Will it ever end?!
Post Info TOPIC: Will it ever end?!
imom


Senior Member

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Will it ever end?!
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I have not been here in a couple of weeks.  My life has taken yet another turn thanks to my AH.  After having a terrible accident from huffing and drivindecide agreed to check himself a rest residential treatment center in another state.  He was in detox for one week during which time he allowed another woman access to him and his progress but not me.  The very same night they moved him from detox to the residential treatment center he threw a fit and checked himself out.  He wandered around homeless for a week.  He is back in our hometown but is living with someone else right Now. Our children have made it very clear to him that they do not want him home.  He says he is doing outpatient rehab but I feel I have lost hope for him.  His xanax addiction is so band that he refuses to even deal with it.  I don't know if he is huffing or drinking.  He swears he hasn't been but he has sworn that countless times before.  He says he feels abandoned by me because I didn't help home when he was homeless and living in airports.  I told him I feel abandoned too and he doesn't understand why.  Really??!!  Years and years of living with his addiction and his hanging out with another woman who he claims is just a friend while I am left cleaning up all his messes while he focuses on himself and requests pity from me.  I am left with all the chores and bills on top of having two children and two jobs and he doesn't seem to feel like I deserve any kind of apology at all.  

Just needed to vent a little.  I did all I could do to help him in the past.  When he checked himself out and had nowhere to go all I could do was leave him alone with his problems.  all of these events and he still doesn't seem ready to get real help for himself.  Not even the threat of criminal charges he is facing or the loss of His children.  Everyone kept telling me not to help him when he was "homeless" so that's what I did.  It was the hardest thing I have ever done and I did it to essentially help him but now I am being persecuted for it.



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Tracy


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 987
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Hi and welcome back.  I set a boubndary with my abf he can not live with me and use.  This was not to force him to sto it was to rotect myself.  Last time he picked u he went to his mums after 6 months of hurting them ended u on streets.  He tried everhing to get me to take him in but was still using I stuck to my boundry it was so hard.  Ge tried to make me feel guilty, blamed me etc etc.  I just kept saying I carnt fix you only AA can you know where the help is.  He webnt back to Aa and is good today.  If he picks up he goes.  I hope you are attending meetings for you sounds like you need it hugs tracy xxxx



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pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

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It might not end for him the way you would like but you can be fine.

If he is that awful in all that he says and does, perhaps cease communication. How could you expect a sane response from someone that reckless? Sounds like a person that is 100 percent owned by substances. I know it has to be hard because there was once a human being in there that you loved and still parts that you care about. Nonetheless, that person is not there now. Expecting rational behavior from someone that sick is futile. Sounds like he hasn't had a sober thought in years so what good would a drunken/high mind altered apology be anyhow? He's not even sober enough to know or grasp how wrong his behavior is.

Prayers for you and your family. Sounds like you are being very strong and doing everything you can for you and your kids. Be kind to yourself and stick to your boundaries.

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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Ok remember we cannot rationalyze insanity?

I invite you to really look at his behavior. Is it the actions of a sane person? So tell me, are you going to believe any of the emotional and mental abuse his disease is spitting out at you?

Hey hon you did GREAT not giving in and babying him. He is an adult, he needs to figure all this out for himself. I mean all of it, that is the only way his has a chance.

No use expecting or needing anything from him.He hasn't got the brain matter to help you. He honestly believes his lies, that is just part of being an active and sometimes non active A.

Would you believe what some one said when they were delirious with a hi temp? Its that  irrational for us to give any credence to what an A says.

Hey I believe in allowing them the dignity of the consequences of their own behavior. He made a choice to leave rehab,he made a choice and ended up homeless.He does not have the capacity to feel any guilt about how he has treated you. They are totally selfish, it is totally about them. If you get sick, he is sicker, his hurt is always bigger than yours. He does not care nor does he even understand how the non A feels and never will. As do not thing like non A's, ever, nor do we them.

So dear it is totally up to you. Your kids are very wise. Let me tell you, the bills the jobs the kids, will all be like heaven when you realize having him gone is so much easier than allowing that disease back in the house.

Plus it really is the best thing for him. Let him fall and figure out how to get up himself. He is a big boy.Again I am very impressed with your kids!

Please keep us posted, we care very much. As far as when it ends, that is "totally" up to you. He is already out of the house, that is a huge step in the process, now what are you going to do for you and those precious kids, who need a home with out drama!? And you too.

love,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
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Dear imom

This is indeed a dreadful disease. Please keep coming here and sharing and if possible up your attendance at face to face meetings. You are doing fine

Keep the focus on yourself, rest, eat, connect at meetings and know this too will pass.

In my prayers.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

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Imom I'm really struggling with this right now. I do better when I make sure I'm sticking with my boundaries. I remind myself nightly that I need to stick to my boundaries I state them again. You are taking care of yourself that is completely ok. You can't stop now!! Sending love and support. Hugs p :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Will it ever end?!