Well, I can't respond to what is going on with his sponsor, that sounds kind of strange. But, I can tell you that getting to Al Anon would be good for you. I do know that the first year or 2 of recovery is very time consuming for most of those in AA, especially if they're taking recovery seriously and staying sober.

In Al Anon you will find people who have been where you are, so I encourage you to try a few meetings and see if you find one that agrees with you.

Most A's need another A for a sponsor to truly understand. Non A's honestly could never truly relate, nor can the A really relate to us. We do not think the same.

It is nothing personal. Plus we learn in Al Anon that their disease is their own and none of our business.

Which is a huge load off us because then we take care of ourselves and just love them!

I am so happy to hear he is a year in his recovery and sounds like following a program. He is very young in his recovery however. I know it sounds like a long time.....

This disease is insidious, sneaky, he has to stay on a program of recovery the rest of his life. Addiction is not curable. It is so much more than whatever they use, in fact that is not even the primary problem.

Relapse is part of recovery. They go right back to where they left off if they use  again. Usually it is even harder to stop again.

I hope you do go to meetings, get involved here too!

I sure relate to what you are saying. Our relationship is precious to them too, just fills a different space. He may need to take care of it on his own, and actually he is wise. The only way he can stay on program is for him to do it period. A sponsor will hopefully know when to back off and not to enable. Where we may make some serious mistakes.

Also when we get involved in it, we take part of the A's power away. Like if we always held someones hand as they walked. He needs to be let go and do it on his own to know he can.

We welcome you! love,debilyn

Sopes, your feelings are normal. I'm thinking the best way to probably deal with it is to go to alanon and get your own sponsor. You didn't stick with him "through all of it" so you could play martyr. What he does for his recovery is what he does. Either you trust him or not. Either it's healthy or not. If he brings up his sponsor in your relationship constantly....that's a different story. That would involve boundaries though and not directly involving yourself with his sponsor.

There are many shades a sponsor/sponsee relationship can take. Some sponsors are very much about business and they would see it as inappropriate to ever get involved in his personal life. So don't read into it. It might not be about him at all. It could be the sponsor.

As far as being the most important person to his recovery? Is that really a role you want? Think about it. Do you have experience as a sponsor...as a drug/alcohol counselor? Wouldn't you rather just be his girlfriend? It's not a competition for who's most important. Different people play different roles in our lives and most of the time that's just fine. If you make yourself into the "most important person" to his recovery, then that will also have you being the biggest reason for his relapse if that should ever happen. That's NOT a role you want.

Also, as far as you "being the one that was with him throughout it all." That is setting yourself up to try and be his higher power. You are leaving out 2 other entities that were also there with him through it all. His higher power was there and so was he. Those 2 entities play a bigger role in his recovery no matter how you slice it.

So Sopes, go easy on yourself. You've been through a lot with an alcoholic/addict. Some of his behaviors traumatized you in all likelihood and they leave you with some natural control and trust issues. That is very normal. It would be the case with anyone so I'm not chastising you. Give yourself the same attention that he's giving to his recovery and you will be better off and so will the relationship.