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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hello? HP? Are you there?
Post Info TOPIC: Hello? HP? Are you there?
blondie99


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Hello? HP? Are you there?
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I know that my HP only gives me what I can take, and gently places me in the right place according to HP's plan, not mine.

However, today I am struggling.

I called my AH's therapist earlier this week, told him I had had enough and that I needed to schedule a family meeting at the rehab facility to hopefully work out an amicable divorce settlement.

I spent the time going to get the pro se paperwork, a quit claim deed form for the house, met with attorneys and got good guidance from them and my counselor.

I began the assets/liabilities spreadsheets and started work on my script (it was suggested that I write everything out, just like if was an intervention, so I don't get distracted and can make all the points that are important to me.)

The meeting initially was scheduled at 8 a.m. tomorrow, then 11 a.m. (thank you being I have to drive three hours to get there).

Now my AH just called and said it's not until next Saturday at 11. Cripes.

I am disappointed - when I decided that I can't live this way anymore I want it to happen as quickly as possible - for my sanity. My AMIL is starting to slip as well and I just want to GET AWAY from this.

But I have to remember that my HP knows what is best for me. I'm trying to look at the bright side.

I haven't slept well in weeks, but my counselor prescribed some sleeping pills for me that I tried last night for the first time. They worked really well. Perhaps my HP knows I need more sleep and regeneration before I take on this task.

I've been working on the paperwork but it is far from finished. I'm the type that works well on a deadline so I was planning on cranking it out tonight before I hit the road tomorrow morning. Perhaps my HP is giving me more time to have the papers checked with an attorney, time to gather my thoughts so I really say what I need to say.

I feel that although I've been working on the house that I am still living in chaos. Perhaps my HP is giving me time to do some laundry, vacuum and straighten up around here so I can come home with a clean house and a clean conscience.

You can bet that I'm leaving a message with his therapist to make sure my AH isn't blowing smoke - telling me the meeting is on the wrong day. Hey, I wasn't born yesterday.

I just need to accept that my HP wants me there next Saturday instead of tomorrow.

Pray...breathe...pray...breathe...

 



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canadianguy


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http://alanon.activeboard.com/t40597093/family-conference/

 

Hi... I copied my "list" from a family conference I had with my AW and her counselor while she was in treatment, in case it helps...

I think you have good perspective on all of this - divorce and all that big stuff is not something we want to "react" into, and/or decide upon quickly... in the big scheme of things, another short while here allows you to collect your thoughts & feelings, and sort through what you need to sort through...  Sounds like a great time to focus on YOU and your needs in all of this...

 

Take care

Tom



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"What you think of me is none of my business"

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blondie99


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Blessings to you Tom for your wisdom and insight. I am grateful to have found this place. Along with F2F meetings, it truly has been the only way I have stayed sane.

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Jerry F


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What worked for me when I got into recovery was not to make any major, life changing decisions for two years after I committed to the program and that worked for me as I put most all of my efforts into getting to see things right and building a strong relationship with the program which of course meant with HP, sponsor, steps/traditions and slogans, the literature and service.  When I got to that the divorce went without much stress.  No it wasn't "perfect" and I still don't know what perfect looks like and it was mostly stress free...acceptance was very big in the process.  HP is always here.  When I listen...God speaks.  ((((hugs)))) smile



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blondie99


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Hi Jerry and thanks! It was actually my AH who asked for the divorce a week before he checked in. He has been living with his mistress since early fall 2012. Believe me I wanted to work it out, but that indiscretion crossed too many boundaries for me. He said that I didn't deserve to live with someone with as many character defects as he has; that I deserve better than that. I've decided to take him up on his offer. :)

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hotrod


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(((Blondie))))

In my thoughts and prayers  You are doing well 



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Jerry F


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Geeez Blondie...he filed and did it with "poor me" music to boot!!?  Whata guy.  Anyhow the two years for me was a rest from my antics which got me into trouble in the first place. I wasn't of the mind to marry her in the first place and then did anyway....hmmmm that's some of the characteristics of the enabler and as Mr. Einstein was credited with saying "You cannot come up with the solution with the same brain or mind you used to get into the problem"  or some other version of that.  Going slow was good for me and I went slower still because I actually was duplicating some of my defects that I needed to get over.  My alcoholic/addict called me once and asked "You are going to file for the divorce aren't you"? and I responded "Not right now I've got some stuff I have to take care of first...you can go ahead if you wish".   Didn't get another phone call from her after that until she was clean and sober and wanted me over to her place so that she could do a 9th step with me.   The whole thing was non-contentious except when I was told by the judge to pay her attorney fees...God did he ever need to go to a meeting...with me of course because that decision turned the heat up 20 degrees in the courtroom and my lawyer went into fear that I would be held on contempt if I reminded the judge that he just ruled against himself. (He said he always awarded the charges for attorney fees to the person who called the action...which was my alcoholic/addict.)  Powerless Powerless Powerless and $450.00 dollars shorter...Everyone ruled against me and I didn't get any of the money back when my A/A did her 9th step.  Hmmmmm maybe HP is doing something different with this deal...you think?   Go do the right thing for Blondie and keep coming back.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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blondie99


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Jerry, I so enjoy your notes! He just said he wanted to divorce me but as far as I know has not filed. I want to do it first so that these things don't happen :) I am working on doing it right for Blondie - went to a great meeting tonight and I'm feeling good. Now it's bedtime! G'night all.

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Ebunny59


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A book i found very helpful is "You're Late Again, Lord! The Impatient Woman's Guide to God's Timing" by Karon Phillips Goodman . Actually all her books are awesome. But this one talks about "purposely waiting" for what God knows is His perfect timing. good luck, and praying for your peace of mind.


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blondie99


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Thank you Bunny! I will stop by the bookstore tomorrow; as it's not available for Kindle :(


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