The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This time last year I was such a mess and so discouraged. This year it has been the best holiday. No expectations and very low keyed. My two boys came home from college. I just told them that I didn't have much planned or purchased. They said fine. Since their dad moved to another state, I let them decide whether he should come for Christmas. They said well he can come for Christmas. My whole family came and my husband didn't help at all but it all got done.
And here comes New Year's eve. My husband called and told me about the neat things he had planned. I immediately went into to my poor me state of jealousy, anger, and loneliness. But this time I stopped myself and said I am responsible for my own happiness. I deserve to be treated better than how my husband has been treating me. My HP was definitely helping me out. I live in a very rural area. Nobody, but nobody is around tonight. One son drove back to college and the other took our only car to a concert. I began sinking at the thought of being all alone tonight. I called my sister-in-law and she invited me over and ended up giving me one of their cars. I started thinking of all the things that I could do instead of having my pitty party. I thought of all those people who have nobody and no resources. I started organizing my son's military stuff. He is making the ultimate sacrifice by spending the holidays overseas. The more I focused on others, the more relief I found. I realized that it is only one night and I have a lot of choices.
I am so appreciative of what I have learned in Alanon. I have been in such pain but little by little I am finding my way. My husband ended up calling to wish me a happy new year. And lo and behold I was actually calm and civil instead of being an attack dog (although he has been a jerk). I am determined to keep growing stronger.
Thank you all for your support. It means alot to have a place to come and share your life.
Good for you Nancy. It was very quiet in our small town as well my two boys drove to another spot 1 and half hours away with the rest of the young ones. Just me and my husband no drinking very quiet night watching tv. He went to bed early so I did the midnight stuff by myself and then lo and behold I managed to get onto the chatroom for the first time ever. I was really proud of myself for downloading everything and working it out and I know HP was at work. Thanks for being a great alanon friend in 2005 Nancy and I hope this is a great year for all of us. Luv Leo x
I am so proud of you for not getting on the pity pot. I can make my own catastrophes and I am finally beginning to be able to work on that. I saw a psychiatrist this year and he said I do not prioritize but I also do this whole sleight of hand thing around catastrophe. I can make a catastrophe out of nothing. I can get on poor me and then justify bad behavior, shirking off and not doing what I need to take care of me. My boyfriend is gone over to his brothers to smoke dope now. I can imagine all I want that he is having a good time and I am not. I would not want to go there. I gave up all contact with his family because I did not like the boundarylessness and the expectations. So I cannot complain. He does not want to spend the holidays as a couple and that is up to him. But he is always in the we are a couple/not a couple dance to press my buttons. This time he is not going to press them because I have my own stuff to take care of. I am not going to as you say do the attack dog. He cannot say this morning that I pushed him out the door. He did the other day and he is very very crafty about how he does that. I will not give him my peace and sanity again. He has his own reasons for smoking dope and laying around all holidays and he is not going to wedge me into it. Meantime I do not want to spend all my time feeling sorry for me or resenting him (what a waste of time that is).
I am glad that you made it through New Years Eve and did not make a catastrophe of it.
One of the most important things I learned in Al-Anon was "Pain is inevitable, but (in Alanon) suffering is optional. See we can make choices and what a gift that is.
Happy New Year and thank your son for his service to this great country.
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
