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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Why do I feel quilty
Post Info TOPIC: Why do I feel quilty
Cathyinaz


~*Service Worker*~

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Why do I feel quilty
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A couple of days ago my son wanted to help me at the house doing work that I don't get done all the time.  I prayed about it and let it go but he continued to ask...PLEASE just let me do something.  So I said OK, you know where the quad is and the dragger.  Go up there and drag the property, pull any weeds and trim the trees.  All the tools you need are in the shed. 

Well today he is up there right now doing to work. 

I'm sitting here at work feeling quilty that he is up there cleaning my property.  Why I feel this way.....I HAVE NO IDEA.  Why can't I just let go and let people do things for me.  You know, it's not only my son but with anyone that I don't compensate for the work performed. 

Is it that I feel beholding or I would owe something back?   I would help anyone that asked me for help without batting an eye.  

Or is it that I'm just a little looney in the head... smile

Maybe somebody can give me a clue as to my problem

(((( hugs ))))

 

 



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 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
el-cee


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Cathy, I don't think your looney in the head.lol I can't tell you the problem but I can offer my hugs and good will for you.x

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PP


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Cathy, I still struggle with this, although I am better. For me, I had martyrdom, thoughts of "what will they want from me in return" and unworthiness in the mix. As my value of me has improved, I am better at receiving. I also know how good it feels for me to give (in a healthy way) and so I am more likely to let others experience the giving. What a great inquiry

Hugs
Paula

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Paula
Path to Serenity


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Embrace the looney-ness and enjoy the clean yard

My son re-roofed my house last year and did I feel guilty.....Nooooooooooooooo!!!
Will I feel guilty when he finishes painting the eaves........Nooooooooooo!!!

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cRaZyJaDe


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((( Cathy ))) He WANTS to do this for you.
If you feel like you "owe" him something, bake him some cookies.

It's okay to let others do for you! It really is.

Just think about how nice your yard will look this summer!!!



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AngelicH57


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I don't mind at all doing something for someone but I won't let anyone do the same for me.... crazy I know.

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Nothing is more fatiguing than the eternal hanging-on of an unfinished task.
Debilyn


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wink Its cuz you are a dipstick!!  (c:

Ok how I learned to take gracefully  is this. I know how GREAT it feels for me to give, so we must allow others that feeling too! It's a gift we give to them too!

I used to say no no that is ok. Now I say YES thank you!! I would love that. My neighbor offered me some taco's, they made too many. I said are you kidding I would LOVE it!!

My son came up to help me move,I never asked. He was amazing.

I learned to always take the things kids are selling. Learned how nice it was when I was blessed to be married to my AH to have his brother, friends and my son carrying everything, doing all the man stuff. Was a relief. Now I am back to fixing it all myself.

Hey I could not reach the molasses at the stupid store, I looked around and saw these very tall teens and asked if they could help me. They were like OH YEA! so cute. We need to let others give so they know how good it feels. If we don't the world is sunk worse than it is.

When I did animal rescue, people offered. At first I said no. what a dummy. Hey can I bring you a dumptruck load of apples? OH YES!! I have extra old blankies, OH they would love it so they would go stuffing blankets into piggys homes. Or can I brush the horses, feed the animals. etc. Hey would you take a donation....I was so blessed.

My neighbors want to help me get my home cleaned and fixed up when the weather is better. I am so happy about that. Be a great way for us all to meet each other.

So just tell yourself you are giving him the gift of feeling good by giving.  cookies are nice too. do you want my address? hehe

hugs,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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John


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I love cookies!  Deb, stop trying to get to the goods before I do!!  LOL

No need for guilt. No need for shame.  You paid your debt to your child the day your give him the gift of life, and raised him, supported him and provided for him without any rewards or recognition for many years... you have earned this little nicity he is doing.  Accept it with a smile and a thank you.. maybe even a hug... and then go look at your beautiful yard.  

John

I think you can fax cookies to me... I'll ask one of my techy friends.  :)



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" And what did we gain?  A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."

(Al-Anon's Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions,Step 3. pg 21)

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Cathyinaz


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LMAO.....Yep I'm a dipstick!!

Thank you all so much. Never thought of somebody else feeling good doing something for me. This old dog learns something new everyday.

Cookies for all

 

2730-250x250.jpg



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 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
Tracy


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Before I learnt to love and care for myself

I think I just didnt thing I was important enough everyone else was though.  Thanks to al anon I not only let people do stuff for me I now ask them to.

Today I am just as important as everyone else My HP loves me and all you Too !!!!!Hugs tracy xxxx



-- Edited by Tracy on Friday 22nd of February 2013 08:02:10 AM

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Cathyinaz


~*Service Worker*~

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Well....I got home and my son did a lot and even before he left he washed my car. I thanked him, offered dinner....he just wanted to go home...gave him a hug and he was on his way. Text him later thanking him again and it was really nice for him to do these things I have a hard time doing..... he text back saying more to come.

One thing I noticed he was just not right....little off..... but you know I can't do anything about it, I said the Serenity prayer and moved on with my evening.

Thank you again everyone.....


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 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
Afraidparent


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Cathy,
Glad to hear you had some nice moments with your son!!! Take that and leave the rest. All you can do!! I'm happy for you he helped you out. You deserve it and should never feel guilty.

:)

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Jerry F


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Feelings are choices Cathy...so I learned in Al-Anon and disbelieved completely until I did a sit down with my sponsor and then YEPPERS!! It's up to me how I want to feel about anything at any one time...Rocket Science!! does it again.  There are no s`pose to feelings.  Try practicing gratitudes  "Thank yous" with or without the cookies.  (((hugs))) smile



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