The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new here, this is my first post. I really need support.....I will give you my life in a nutshell.....I have two boys..one is 15 and one is 9.....I live with my alcoholic partner....he does not work, and I support all of us......I travel for a living......
My partner and I have been together for 11 yrs.....for about the past 5 years he did not drink........our lives were far from perfect, but i managed.......when i came home from the airport last night, (i have been gone for 4 days due to work, and this is my typical schedule), I smelled booze on his breath.........he told me he had been drinking but no big deal.............well it's a HUGE deal to me............he got a dui while I was 9 mths pregnant....he was driving a company truck for a company and he was drinking on the job and while driving!............he had an open case of beer in the truck when he wrecked it..........he tried to run from the police...........they arrested him and his mom bailed him out a few days later...........that was 10 yrs ago...........he drank heavily off and on for maybe 6 more years........always getting in trouble, never working.........
while he was unemployed he didn't have a car or money, so he never drank........recently, his grandmother passed away and left him an old car.............so now while I travel, he drinks.........I am devastated.........I need help............can anyone help me?
You can go to alanon. That would help. I'm hearing multiple issues beyond just drinking. Alanon is also about more than just his drinking. It's about you.
He sounds like a sick person beyond just the alcohol. As a recovering alcoholic, it saddens me that the only thing stopping him from drinking was being broke and having no transportation or job. That is like being stuck in jail or like a child. That's no solution. Besides - if he is really determined to drink, he'll find the money and the means to get the liquor. When I got sober it was to develop into a more fully functioning person and to enjoy life - basically to have a life. If I had done it to stay dependent on someone else and to accomplish nothing, I would have relapsed for sure.
My feedback obviously is tainted from being more in AA than alanon and I'm sure you will get great feedback from some others here.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Prayers for you and your family.
Hi Kelly, Welcome! I am relatively new here but I visit these pages almost every day at the moment and they are filled with wonderful people and lots of wisdom. I have learnt so much from this site. I hope you come back and read lots and perhaps if you have an alanon meeting in your area you will be able to find some face to face support as well. My husband has been drinking for ten years and although he only managed to stop for three months I remember how hugely disappointed and sad and frustrated I felt when he started up again. It just goes to show how sneaky the drink can be and I imagine all of your fraught feelings are as raw now as they were all those years ago. Did you have outside help before? Do you remember that it didn't really matter what you said or did, it was more important to look after yourself and your children first. So my ((((((hugs)))))) are for you.
Hi Kelly, Just reading your post I felt exhaustion. Regardless of what he does or does not do get yourself support so your children can have a healthy, happy mom. Look at life from their perspective and what are they learning? Go to al anon meetings asap and keep coming back to this forum. Blessings for all of you.
((( Kelly )))) You are so brave! You actually posted, you got your feelings out.
I am new too so I really can't offer any suggestions, just know that as I type this, I am in the midst of turmoil as well. We will get through this - together. All of us.
Know that you are not alone. I promise. I pray for you.
Welcome to MIP! You have come to the right place. If you can attend face to face meetings - it helps. There is alot of experience, strength, and hope from members of Alanon. What we learn here is that you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Keep coming back.
Kelly, Glad you're here. I'm also fairly new and like Amyclaire worry sometimes about posting and what is correct or isn't. However, here I have found nothing but support and great words of wisdom. I have an AD who called Again last night needing picked up from the bar. She's off work right now with a huge snowfall we've had. We hung up on her at 1 a.m. She chose to go to the bar, she chose to stay there instead of staying in and being safe. She wanted her brother to come get her. I said no. He said you want to go? Dad? I said No and No. So he hung up and we unplugged the phones that we thought were okay to leave connected for the night.
Just know you are not alone. Know that support is here. Keep reading and reading is what I always suggest. It is So helpful.
I see that 10 years ago you were not the one to bail him out. Keep your strength and take care of you and your kids as you had the strength to leave him in jail then. These are his choices, you can only take care of your choices.
I have been in al anon for about 8 years and still wonder if I have anything of value to share! Perhaps it helps just to know you are being heard and supported
The meetings have saved my life. When my husband starting drinking 8 years ago it was the only place I felt at peace. I could say and do and be myself without anyone telling me what to do. I love it when people tell you - just divorce him. It is not that easy. Take care of you and your kids.
I am so very thankful for all of your responses.....they mean the world to me.......I am going to keep coming back here again and again......I will read as many posts as I can.....I am leaving town this evening, won't return home til Tuesday evening, and dread the thought of coming back to him drinking again.....I recognize that I cannot control another person.......I recognize that I cannot make a person do anything at all.
I definitely want to get to an alanon meeting.......I have a very busy life, like eveyone else-----so I need to MAKE time to get to a face to face meeting.....there is such turmoil living with a drunk.........it is so sad........A life I never would have imagined for myself when I was young........I didn't have alcoholic parents or grandparents..........I was never exposed to this until I was a grown woman...........it's funny though, .........I married my college sweetheart right after graduation, and he was a highly functioning alcoholic...........he drank everyday but was the best provider and an amazing man.........he never missed work, always maintained the house and yard beautifully, never raised his voice to me or called me a name...........we were married for 15 yrs before he left for a 21 yr............I then became involved with the man that I now live with............he is an entirely different type of alcoholic..........he is a musician who has not played in 12 yrs.............when he drinks he sometimes gets violent and always gets angry........when he is sober he rages quite a bit............curses, yells and acts mean...........it has always confused me b/c I have always worked and paid every bill......he gets to lay around all day, watch tv, play video games or nap........it just always confounded me.............
I need the support from everyone else that can relate..........I am not meek.......I am successful........it's funny, but you would never know what lurks behind the closed doors of my home when you see me in a professional setting.........
for anyone that understands just a hint of my life, I would love to hear from you..........it's tough, but I just need to learn to focus on my kids and myself......I need to keep my focus there............
