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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Need to make amends to you
Post Info TOPIC: Need to make amends to you
Debilyn


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Need to make amends to you
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Even long time Al Anoners can mess up. As I have shared my manfriend has filed D from his wife. It takes about 6 months to be final.

We had met here at MIP many, many years ago and we have been best friends only. We were both married to

a's. I was freed by man by adultery. Now he is also freed by his wife.

We both have beliefs that we are not intimate till marriage. However our friendship turned into so much more very unexpectantly for us both. We were courting as much as you can online. For many months in contact by chat, phone, text, and email everyday all day. He has a career where he can work and do this, engineer.

Anyway we are in the thick of the d. I  was feeling pretty overwhelmed and something did not feel right. I realized after talking with my son, I felt bad as he was not free yet. It was super hard but this morn when my guy called I told him I could not do this anymore, it was tearing me apart. I am so close to him and he is me, yet the D is so painful for us both.

So I said no meeting till  d is final. He told me I had more courage than he did, he thinks the world of me, deeply cares and this makes him respect me all the more. This all blind sided him, us being in love like this. We have grown into such mates, so much alike, same religious feelings, same living ways, not
A's, we both know our strengths and harder stuff. Though there are things of course that are not perfect as we are not, they are not a deal breaker at all.

That said this is a killer. I know we will be just fine, I know we will be together, but geez I had to stop myself so many times from just texting or chatting, saying hey I painted my house chickens toe nails pink today....I know its nuts.

I wanted to know what happened at work, how he was doing. How his kids are. They are grown now, and taking this as well as they can. Mom is on pills, and spending tons of money. so sad.

My amends to you all is that I was not a good witness for the creator. He is still married, though free, but I have no business being so involved till its final. Its hard to live beliefs in a world where living together is ok'd, sex with out marriage, booty callls, friends with benefits are accepted.  but we both choose to do that. So man it is hard. I hope it gets easier. I mean we have such a strong foundation, I know  it will be ok.

I lived during the Viet Nam war and waited years for my ex AH to come home.

So I told him no contact unless it is an emergency or he really needs me. Said he can write letters. Its so important this be clean and right. He made it clear how he felt, and like me looks fw to fall when things calm down and we can start face to face.

I am relieved in some ways and tortured in others. Mostly I want to apologize for my behavior to you all here.My first concern always is our creator, my hp and following the bible and he feels the same.

Here are some pictures to show what I do to anti stress, my crazy animals....having a spa day with my house chicken Milliscent, Milly, painted her toenails, trimmed her up, dickens and punkido eating their grain with sour cream, bunny Bundles sitting funny in my lap. hand full of toads......



-- Edited by Debilyn on Thursday 21st of February 2013 06:29:46 PM

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
hotrod


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Dear Debliyn

What an inspiring uplifting message!!! It is so powerful that you have both searched yourselves and reached a positive decision .  Great recovery and honesty.  

I certainly love your pictures and "Spa Day"  Please continue to share them with us.biggrin



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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el-cee


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your a strong woman, when you and your man are free to go for it i think you will be so amazing together. x



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Katy


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Lol Debs how on earth you get a chicken to sit still and let you paint it;s nails and with such precision too lol made me think of a song, chick chick chcick chicken lay a little egg for me, chick chick chicken I want one for my tea, 

way to go Debs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Katy

 x



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Katy
PP


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You are one courageous woman...thank for sharing and I hope it eased your heart.
Paula

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Paula
ilovedogs


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Deb, this is a wonderful testimony. God knows your heart, dear, you are a blessing to all of us here. Thank you for sharing!

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Struggling to find me......
Temple


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ILD said it--you are a Blessing.
And, apparently, a Chicken Whisperer.
Love,
Temple

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John


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Hi Deb!  Soldiers say pain is a blessing.  It lets them know they are really really alive after suffering a bad wound.

Sometimes our spirit can suffer a wound that could be killing it, but the pain is an indicater that we are still very much alive and aware of our enviroment, situations, and human beings we sometimes have to separate from in order to recover, redeem ourselves, and start living in the light of our higher powers love.

Love is what it is, happens when it happens, unfolds the way it unfolds.  

As for online relationships... i saw a cartoon of a brain talking to a heart with bandaids, stitches, and all the wounds of war saying... "why can't you stop falling in love with people don't even live close by, without all the leftovers from their past still in play?"

Your post reminded me of this because someone sent it me.  I had to learn that loving someone does not mean its time to get a uhaul.  LMAO!

Hope you will forgive yourself because you have done nothing to us.  You fell in love.... your light is still on within.  Doesn't it feel good to know we ars still capable of it after the beaten our hearts have taken in life?

Love ya bunches,

John

 



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" And what did we gain?  A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."

(Al-Anon's Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions,Step 3. pg 21)

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Jennifer


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Hi (((Deb))),

That took courage to be true to you. Thank you for sharing.

Jen

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canadianguy


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Very impressive message Deb, along with some great self-awareness, and paying attention to the connection between your behaviors and your beliefs....

Thanks for sharing

Tom



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"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
Debilyn


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I loved each and every one of your responses. Needed it big time. Its so weird to have all these feelings and who I would talk to is him.

Don't know, I talk to hp a lot especially around 4:00 when I start going down the tubes getting weepy and feeling sorry for myself.

My neighbor friend came by and brought me some soup!! SEE Cathy, I said yes the first time and look what happens! I am going to make them something that will knock their sockies off!

She was going to put it in my mailbox, but I saw her and we yakked a bit. usually I would have hid inside...Man I need contact so badly.

I love it when people talk to me at the grocery store. But geez one day I was in their hours. I take my Party Pom Fezzik, he is so cute and friendly. His job is to go nuts if I am about to faint from low blood sugar.I still do to much at a time.

anyway thank you. There are no books that I know of that help you with, My guy and I are in love, we are waiting until the divorce is final before we get involved again.Never met f 2 f...we are keeping our love in hibernation.

um huh? Well myself I am reading books about how guys think. He is rereading men=mars women=venus.

I want a book that says it will be okkkkkk, make yourself some tea, if you eat chocolate chip cookies and cheesecake you will feeeeel better, go adopt a needy horse so you can get your toes stepped on, and it will run away to the neighbors...um that was NO Help.

Need to go get a little heater to blow on me. I can next week. I took mine back to get money for food...geez. Its weird how cold you feel when you are separated in mind and body from that person you love the most. I miss his low voice and southern accent the most, and him being a smart a**. . Mabye it is wrong to think about that.

I have not been loved for over 11 years, I mean really loved. Part was I was hiding out,not allowing it. Losing my AH to the disease....horrible as we know.

Anyway here I go blabber mouthing. Hmmmm I wonder who else would like their toenails pink??

My darn laptop lost its sound. my vcr needs its head cleaned whatever that is. I have watched every dvd in the house. I am now so desperate I am watching my sons netflix, and reading subtitles!! no sound....I wonder if there is something to hook my lap top to the thingy that goes to the tv?

hugs and many thank yous!! If you want your toes painted come on over!!!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Cathyinaz


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Good Morning Sweetie

I know what you mean about getting out more so your not such a shut in. I called my GF yesterday and we went out for the evening and had a nice time. Just a little late getting home for me.

I'm also deciding to work on letting people help me and I help in return. It will make me feel better and not feel so much quilt anymore. I'm in training.. :)

The VCR can sometimes be cleaned by inserting a cleaning cartridge. The laptop sound might be a corrupt driver. Not knowing what OS your running you might be able to delete the sound driver and reinstall it. If you need help I can send some instructions. It's can't hurt it if it doesn't work anyways. And yes you can connect the laptop to the TV if your laptop had a HDMI or VGA connection....just need the right cable depending on the age of the laptop/TV.

Take care and have a great weekend...



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