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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Anniversary #2
Post Info TOPIC: Anniversary #2
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

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Anniversary #2
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This is for all sake and purposes my wedding anniverary .. we would have been married this year for 14 years together for 17.  Last year we went and had a date night as we were still together in a very weird way .. however .. it was a disaster.  At least that's how I remember it.  I had a wonderful meal .. I wanted different company.  Still true today actually as I think about it. 

Yesterday kind of threw me, however considering what was going on .. I'm feeling solid.  I know I made some very right decisions for me and the kids.  The paperwork is HUGE!!!  Taxes will be filed and boy oh boy what a RELIEF!!!!  I should be getting my share of the money sooner than later that is already at the atty's office.  Friday would be great!!  It might not be until the following week.  We'll see how motivated everyone in the situation is at this point.  I'm thinking VERY motivated. 

I also received money from the state for the child support, now maintenance should be coming from a different source .. lol .. let's not make this easy or anything.  That is a HUGE relieve it's not much however at least it will put gas in the tank and pay a bill. 

It really makes me sad that this is what it's come down to a business transaction.  It is what it is at this point and I'm going to just work on doing my best at being me and seeing what unfolds. 

So what am I going to do for myself today?  I am getting a cup of starbucks for myself I have been doing 1/2 caff.  I may see if I can treat myself in another way.  I did a lot of praying yesterday and last night about the next right thing.  I do think some distance is needed for me to have better insight and for lack of a better term reaffirm to myself my boundaries.  It is hard not to flip flop .. I just really see him and how damaged he is at the moment.  I'm not sorry I took him, and I'm not sorry for the fact I will take him to surgery on Friday.  It is not what I have to do it's what I want to do because he's a child of God and today I can see him that way and I am grateful for that small fact.  I'm not cold or heartless and honestly I have felt that way over the past 12 months.  The biggest gift is being able to do so without the expectation that anything is going to really change .. of course I wish it would in terms of getting himself help, I can wish it all I want .. it won't make it a reality. 

Thanks for being here, hugs P :) 

 



-- Edited by Pushka on Wednesday 20th of February 2013 07:56:39 AM

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
AngieP


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This is such a positive post. I see how hard you are working your program & the relief you are getting in all (mind, body & spirit). Good for you. Hang in there.. I know many Of these things are challenging but your certainly reaping the reward of change in YOU. I hope You have a wonderful day!!!

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PP


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A big hug to you....amen to your recovery work
Paula

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Paula
Debilyn


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Its nice to hear you can do some things for him, that you are not bitter or angry as those things just hurt you.

yes it is exciting to have some bucks coming in. Things are so darn hard.

You sound good and on program! And not one mention of the truck! lol hugs,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Green Eyes


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You are an amazing person! Thanks for sharing your ESH. If I were near you, I'd buy you that Starbucks : )

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Pushka


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I've slipped and slid a few times. I've gotten sucked in. Today is Friday and I've been white knuckled for the past 24 hours over what I want to say what I should say what is program and what is not program. I'm confused is putting it mildly. Each evening I find my footing and regroup. I know what I know and just have to keep praying for the next right thing to do. I don't know if he 's at his bottom or it's desperation. I am an old comfortable pair of shoes, no not me, the situation is and he sees things have gotten better for me and worse for him. I'm not talking about in I'm living the high life I mean I'm living vs surviving. Something that keeps playing out is God being bigger than this situation, bigger than me, and I just need to keep asking Him to continue to use me as a tool in this situation and I have to let go of the outcome. Today I feel at peace and so much anger has just left me. Whatever the reason I will take it. I'm going to bank this feeling too. Blessed day to all hugs p :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Anniversary #2