The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
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Errm I am really starting to think about my denial over things, although I like to belive I am an honest person, I am thinking denial is far from honest, yet I have only just started thinking about this, if honesty and denial are what I am doing I am not actually being honest, did my denial happen because of my being around alchoholics? is it FEAR based? false evidence appearing real? I am still living with and amongst alchoholics and so I am wondering how to I adress my denial. my alchoholics still do things which I find crazy and yet I am still sucked into their denial of which affects me deeply too, dowah I am finding this hard to explaine HELP, basically how do I learn to stop living in denial?
This is a great step 4 to workout with your sponsor.
It's great question though, maybe I'm way off however it sounds like your question is more about why do alcoholics do what they do? They do what they do because they are alcoholics and when I can accept that my STBAX's behavior isn't going to change because I think it should or I try to change him to think like I do, my life gets a whole lot easier and I am less likely to get sucked into his crazy behavior which leads to my own crazy behavior.
It always comes back to my own expectations of the situation what I think should or shouldn't be happening not what is .. I don't know if that makes sense or not.
Anyway, a lot to think about and big hugs :)
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I do understand exactly what you are sharing. Growing up with and living with the disease of alcoholism, I learned some very destructive tools to live by. The most important tools I used expertly were:
Denial (of my feelings, my reality , my needs)
Pretend (that all was well I was happy I did not need anything, that I could easily take care of you and needed nothing)
I honestly thought that this was the way I could love someone without considering that I really had to love myself before I could love anyone.
Denial and pretend were comfortable . Being Honest was difficult because I did not know how I felt, who I was what I needed. Sharing at meetings, a sponsor, the Steps helped me to learn how to find myself, express myself honestly and to have true compassion and empathy for others.
I finally saw as you have that although I demanded honesty from others I was not honest myself. Alanon taught me that my "RE active" self was not my honest true self!!!. In using the tools that I had learned I had lost myself and I had to learn to validate myself and needs without blaming or judging others The program worked. I no longer live in denial and pretend and find I can love others without expectations because I have learned to love myself
Hi Katy, I think I'm in a similar place to you. I am searching for the truth and its not always comfortable. Denial is the place where I go rather than look at the real situation because that usually means action that takes courage. I think I have been sadly lacking in courage for too long. I so love this program for the insight I am getting into myself and the truth.x
My therapist told me that the acronym for denial is Don't Even Know I Am Lying
Yep, that just about sums it up for me and I've lived there for 17 years. I like to think that it's not that I was outright lying to anybody, including myself. I was just living in la-la land and magical thinking hoping that things will get better....SOMEDAY. What Betty shared is very key to our recovery and I'm just starting to learn about it myself. Thanks for bringing up this topic as it's been on my mind for some time now.
