The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First I am thankful for all of the ESH I have received from these boards; am so grateful to be able to come here. I know that I have to keep the focus on me, not my A and his disease, and I have been dedicated to daily reading of literature, almost daily meetings, and listening. That being said, it is so difficult to watch the A I love keep struggling so, and I am working so hard not be resentful of what this is doing, and has done, to our family.
I have been supportive, compassionate, and lovingly detached--and I'm trying to remind myself that no matter where my A is, no matter what he is doing, has done, will do, is thinking about doing, etc etc etc I am getting stronger and working on my own sickness.
I am here as he tries to insist that he can manage this, and I am here as 3 days after he again says that he wants to stop completely he comes home after a binge of booze and coke, I am here praying to my HP to please give me the strength that I need, please show me the way, that I will try and pay attention.
I'm sorry I am feeling the struggle big time tonight and had to get this sadness off of my chest.
Going to the chat room now, will not engage w my A, will not try to fix, will keep praying.
There is no need to feel sorry that you are struggling we all do that, the important bottom line is that you are choosing to do something positive about how you feel and how you are struggling.
Hang in there and keep doing the next right thing to take care of you,
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Aloha Yanksfan...good job with determination as I came to understand that it would take determination on my part for my part in my recovery. You're doing good and you sound like courage is with you. This is a disease...cunning, powerful and baffling and it will not be talked into the corner or reduced by a regimend of asprin 3 times a day. I am also very grateful for MIP and Al-Anon...sometimes I'll take an asprin and not often. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
It sounds like you have much love in your heart for your partner and you are doing loving things for you...keep moving forward and coming back to your program. Hugs Paula
Thank you all for your kind responses; it is so helpful to know that there is such support and wisdom here. A new day dawning, so now I get to decide what I will do with that!!
(((Yanksfan))) Stay strong! You are a magnificent woman who has so much to give. You are making the right decisions by coming here, doing your reading, attending meetings, and making the choice not to allow him to sway you. You are determined to be strong and healthy. you can do this!!!
