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Hi folks, I keep wanting to post something inspirational here- I had something in mind- something about lessons I've learned in Al-anon and how I was finally seeing "progress."
But today my AH was loaded into an ambulance, unconcious, gurgling, with vomit all over his clothes. He was finally sober (or at least seemed it) last night and this morning. He got laid off yesterday, so I thought it was miraculous that he made it through, since the definitely let him go because of his drinking. We decided he'd hit bottom, and we'd start anew. One hour before a morning AA meeting he started saying he needed "just a nip" to make it through. I thought his sponsor and I had talked him out of it, but then he disappeared when I went to use the bathroom. I didn't find him, but found a police officer and asked for help. The police, who were at first urging me to just drive him to the hospital or whatever, finally saw him, incoherent, falling down the stairs, vomiting on himself.
Away he went in the ambulance and I heard the EMT say "we're going to have to intubate." He's been in the I.C.U. all day. I didn't go to the hospital with him, and haven't spoken to him. I don't want to hear the apologies and cries. I won't let him back into the house until he gets honestly sober, with a plan for recovery. Meanwhile, there's a hole in our home- I feel his absence and miss him. It kills me to think of him in the hospital alone. I want my husband back.
Thanks for listening.
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"my country is the world, and my religion is to do good" (Thomas Paine)
Bless your heart. I'm so sorry. I don't know how those of you who go through such rough times with your As do it. Take care of you and guard your heart. Hugs.
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
I am so sorry, please know I am praying for you...I know it doesn't seem like much with all you are going through right now. Praying for your peace and serenity.
Dear Midas, I want my husband back too. I'm sorry. I wish I could make it so for both/all of us.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Dear Midas, I trully understand all the emotions you are going through. My ex.AH left me and eventually there came a divorce. The former 10yrs ago and the latter 5. In that time....1 major heart attack, veins in leg stripped, hernia, weight gain, and sky high blood pressure. He left because he wanted a better life, as we had financial problems and I was to blame for that and every little problem in his life. Through out it all I still loved him and never gave up that someday he would hit bottom and realize what alcohol had done/what it was doing. I did this from afar, of course, speaking only to him when spoken to and at that only fewest words possible. You have to take care of you first! In my case, Alcohol, won. Last fall he had a fatal heart attack. I cried and cried over the loss. I also found peace of mind that whatever 'demons' led him down that path were not mine to cast out. He had made his own choices. I could not control what was HIS to control! It is the same for your husband. This has to be HIS choice. Stay strong and take care of you first!!! Prayers and Hugs.
Hello Midas, I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are really truly helping this sick man by allowing him to feel the consequences of his actions. You have set boundaries to protect you from this unacceptable behaviour. You have done so well so far, you are so strong. I think the next few days are going to test your courage. If you are like me you may feel sympathy and guilt that makes you run to him and allow the merry go round to continue until the next time. I will pray for you and your husband.x
Good morning Midas, Wishing you peace and calm at this very difficult time. Your post is indeed a lesson, and whilst it is so very sad to read it is also very real. Sending prayers for you both.
Thank you to all of you for your prayers and kind words. My husband is still in the hospital, but no longer in the ICU, where he spent the first day. In a way I felt free... relieved to have him out of the house and in professionals' hands, and yet it's not over. Now he's insisting he needs to leave the hospital "against medical advice" and come home to start putting his life back together. His words are manipulative and intimidating. He tricks me into thinking that he knows what he's doing and that if I don't listen to him and our life goes into shambles it will be my fault. Thank goodness I'm in touch with his sponsor, who helps me to think clearly. My husband was blackout drunk every day for a week leading up to him nearly dying. That was only two days ago!
My mantra has become "I didn't cause it I can't cure it I can't change it," so that I know I'm not to blame for whatever happens. His sobriety is not laying in the balance, dependent on some move that I make or don't make- it is up to him and his HP to fix this mess. I do have the right to protect myself and live in a peaceful home. A sober husband is welcome here. A husband in withdrawal or using is not. A husband in as fragile a state as he is now is not welcome here. I will not expose myself to verbal abuse, trickery, and manipulation. I've done nothing wrong.
I leave it in the hands of the HP to decide the outcome, and I believe I can sleep well knowing that the weight of the world is not on my shoulders. Love to you all- thank you for being here. Midas
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"my country is the world, and my religion is to do good" (Thomas Paine)
