The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ugh....tonight my separated AH is coming over to talk about our divorce. I am full of anxiety. I am the main breadwinner and he is entitled to half of everything I have worked for during the last 10 years--a good savings account I have built for our kids college, half my pension, half the house, and the real kicker--almost half of my paycheck every month for 'spousal maintenance' for god knows how long...after the nightmare I have been through, all the lies, all the BS, the fear, anger, anxiety,....he will make out like a bandit...if he chooses. Will be choose? I don't know. I never know what he will do. And the bottom line is, it is only money and I know I will survive the hard times and it will pass...I am still sad about letting go of the dream more than anything else. My family being torn apart. Accepting the man I married is gone for good. We are treating this complicated relationship like a business deal. It all seems so wrong.
I am praying for the strength to stay calm, to come from a place of love, and to let go and let god.
I was at risk of paying spousal support too...because he hadn't worked in over a year...(and I was going to be punished for it). How he could have taken money away from his kids...well...it's insane.
I worried and was very anxious how I would come out of the divorce financially. He did get about $65K (half my retirement)...which he has already spent. Because I agreed to drop any child support claims until he was employed, he dropped claims to spousal support. Yep. He is a prince among men.
anything can happen....what I did is try to imagine worst case scenario...and then I was pleasantly surprised. You are smart and resourceful...whatever happens, believe in your ability to figure it out. Trust that it will be okay.
It is so stressful...so I'm sending good juju your way....whatever happens, you can do it.
Hugs, in situations like this I ask the god of my understanding for the words to come from Him not me. It's not an easy situation. Sending you lots of love and support. Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
(((hugs))) I know this is a very hard time, a very trying time... just be sure to invite your Higher Power to the discussion. I am willing to bet, He will help you be bold, strong and not shrink in the face of the insanity that the alcoholic might produce. My experience has been that the majority of the time, when it comes to matters of the heart, I am a bit weakened.. but when it comes to matters of legal issues that can adversely effect my life... They would rather be discussing it with a lawyer than with me... I don't play so nice that it allows any one to simply step forward and take what they want or even what they deem they are legally entitled to. The courts didn't live in the relationship for x number of years, or endure the pain and suffering it inflected upon me every day... I feel that under certain circumstances we have a obligation to stand up and fight for what is right, and what is ours.
Again, invite your HP to the table... so you are not alone... but instead the alcoholic is. :)
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Keep in mind that the decisions (and compromises) that you make today will affect you for the rest of your life. I was way too nice (typical, right?) and then was treated very poorly by my XAH .This IS business....stay strong, be calm but remember that You have to watch out for/take care of You! Good luck...
