New to Al-Anon - Al-Anon Family Group

Janet007 · Newbie

New to Al-Anon

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

smile Hello Janet,

Welcome to Alanon, from a longtimer. I always look out for the first share of a newcomer. It is an awesome experience! it tells me so much about my journey, and why I am here right now. I think the very first thing to remember is 'one day at a time'.

If you read through some of the posts here, you might realise that things do not go smoothly. Its really early days for you and your partner, but so far, so good.

wishing you well... aww

DavidG

New Zealand

Janet007 · Newbie

Thanks so much David. I know it is very early in recovery. It hasn't been smooth... it has been very difficult. We are rediscovering each other sober. One day at a time, as you say. We are both committed to each other and it is a journey, him with AA and me with Al-Anon. The more I'm reading... it seems I have an addiction to my boyfriend. I'm always trying to do everything "perfect" for him. I tend to get my feelings hurt very easy. My greatest fear when he went to rehab was that "he wouldn't love me sober." I know it's silly but that's what I thought.

Thanks again for commenting.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Actually what will come about in the next few months has a lot to do with your thinking, feeling and behaviors. If you don't attend Al-Anon a bunch of things will happen...If you do attend then a bunch of things will happen. What happens over the new few months depends on you. You're in love with an alcoholic. Alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical and the addiction to it is called Alcoholism which is a disease which can never be cured only arrested by total abstinence. It is a fatal disease in that if the alcoholic never arrests the disease permanently over time they will go insane and die. There are millions of alcoholics in AA all over the world and the percentage of those who find and make sobriety most permanently is rather low. The disease includes relapse or a returning to drinking after a period of time of abstinence. In relapse the drinking doesn't return to where they started drinking and to where they left off which is severe. Beer or wine or hard stuff is all alcohol and it all does the very same thing when used addictively.

We who are the spouses, family and friends of the alcoholic suffer just as much tho we do not have the addiction to the chemical. We also are compulsive with the alcoholic in that we learn to act and react in much the same way as the alcoholic does to alcohol. We become as sick or sicker than the alcoholic in that we don't have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality and therefor go thru the crises and chaos wide awake.

The Al-Anon program can and will help if you commit to yourself and it and how it is suggested by the oldtimers who have gained and maintained their sanity inspite of whether the alcoholic drinks or not.

That might sound like an ad for the programs. It is what I first heard (partially) when I first got into the rooms of Al-Anon in '79. I am also alcoholic and a member of AA.

I am insupport of your recovery success. Keep coming back cause this works when you work it. Leave him to AA cause if he is really willing and committed to his own sobriety inspite of your relationship he will get sober...one day at a time. ((((hugs)))) smile

Janet007 · Newbie

Thanks Jerry. I'm learning so much. I'm committed. I know it's not going to be easy.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

You both are taking very wise steps. The disease does get so much worse. This is not going to stay pretty.

Getting them Sober by Toby rice drews volume one is a GREAT book for all of us. very cheap on amazon and in used book stores.

MIP is the perfect place for you. NO it is not easy but ever so worth it when we love an A. hugs,debilyn

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with Debilyn, Toby's books are the best. I've read and re-read them quite a few times. Recovery takes a lot out of them, be patient with him but most of all you'll need to take care of yourself. Al Anon meetings, coming here for support, reading Al Anon literature, and maybe even a therapist for you so you can talk things out with someone. This disease is cunning and baffling and relapses come with the territory. It would be in your best interest to arm yourself with the tools you need to handle whatever comes your way, but also to learn to put yourself first. It takes a while to change, so take it one step at a time for both of you! Keep coming back, too! Big cyberhugs, it can and will get better.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

I just wanted to say welcome to you Janet. This is an awesome place full of support and experience.
I am a newbie here and I find great peace in reading on these pages. I hope that you enjoy your meetings and take great care of yourself on this journey. Sending a big welcoming (((((hug))))) your way!

Zimmy · Senior Member

Hello Janet007 and welcome...indeed I too found out my drug of choice was my Alcoholic. Al-anon works if you work it. You will find much love and support here. I thought it was very touching that your Alcoholic decided to get help because he wanted to be their for you. Its hard but if you are both honest and work your own programmes of recovery it will be magical, hard but magical. We are all miracles in progress.

Love and support

Simone x

Janet007 · Newbie

Thank you Simone. It is very hard for me. It seems at times that I don't know him. I love the new him but I need to learn to let go and know that his being quiet, or whatever he is doing is no reflection nor has anything to do with me. I just want to fix everything and I can't. I'm going to my first New Member Meeting tonight. I'm a little nervous but I really think I need to learn detachment. Thanks for the support. I hope you're doing well.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.