The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am finding these days that I am moving forward slowly. I have been noticing that I am growing but feel that I am sometimes moving backwards. I am so confused sometimes where I am. Hopefully w/ more rest & exercise, I can feel & act normal for me. I want to vent so much these days but am afraid for people to see the real me. Not very many people know my total story, my experiences. I had an excellent counselor whom I trusted w/ my life. He made me feel like I could say anything & not be judged. Now I have a so-so counselor who doesn't get me as well. Actually he is not even so-so, I am stuck w/ him for now. Our MH system here is going downhill fast. I wish I had a choice but for now, I am basically stuck. I wish I had the resources to go somewhere else. I don't feel that I will move forward at the rate I am going w/ counseling. Maybe at this time I don't really need it.
Last night I went to an out-of- town meeting. It was very good & I enjoyed everyone's share that was there. Our local group got together & traveled the 60 miles it took to get there. Talk about going to any lengths!
I feel like I don't want to get off here. This is my lifeline. I want to stay as long as I can & get out all my frustrations & anxietys on here. Even though I have a really good & healthy life & relationship w/ God & my husband, I still wonder if it is enough, if I am where I need to be. So many people get on here w/ & have so many more issues than I do. Sometimes I really want to help. I just feel so incompetent. I actually feel stupid. I can back it up w/ examples. But, at this point I won't. Maybe I am just on a pity pot. As I write this, as you can see, I am wavering back & forth. One second I am secure, the next second, I am down. I wish I felt like I have in the past w/ more positive input. My alanon friends seem to think that I have something to offer.
I really don't want to complain anymore. I have been working on changing in that area of my life. Since last December, I have really been concentrating on treating my husband better. I mentioned that before when I was first faced w/ the fact that I was mistreating him when he told me so. That was very difficult to face. I ended up crying which really made it about me again--my feelings were hurt! It wasn't really right for me to not help him see where I went wrong. Does that make any sense? I know that I can't make him do anything. I need to just share my feelings & let him know that he was right & I was wrong!
Grasping at straws, I still want to say more.
Last night at the meeting, I shared about keeping the focus on myself. I have basically been able to do that as you all can see by my post. I was thinking a lot about the past & how I got here in the first place. Could you all help me out by sharing how & why you got here whether you are a newcomer or an old-timer or somewhere in between?
I just want to feel like I need to hear something about what brought you all here. I guess I need a kind of 12-step call.
Time will tell how the future will affect me & if I will be able to get the eye surgery like I mentioned before: it is very necessary now because I have macular degeneration & very bad vision. I have thought about & prayed on this issue for awhile. It will probably happen in the spring.
One day at a time, as I trudge the road to happy destiny. First things first, progress not perfection.
Aloha Kath...for me...how I got here was nothing more or less than a God thing and when I got here I was told ours was a spiritual journey an d nothing less. I didn't come into the program on my own until after I was completely done with my life. I was facing a third suicide attempt and God go inbetween the thought or plan of it and the carrying out of it. I was truely dead on all levels before arriving at the doors of Al-Anon for the second time. I was empty and my HP knew what HP wanted to fill me up with. All I had to do was follow what I thought I was being told...from the call to the hotline number to attending my first for myself meeting and then follwing thru on the 90X90 suggestion. I have perfect memory of it all. I could have never, ever planned it out as to how it happened. It took a power much much greater than myself. "Abandon yourself to God as you understand God".... Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
My MD suggested I look into Al Anon a year ago. Hope attracted me. I am getting tired and that pushed me to go for it. My AH is right here so its the short answer. Let go Let God. This too shall pass. These things encourage me. Every day is a new beginning. Take care and best wishes! Mary C
I did an internet search for al-anon and clicked on links that lead me here. I'd have to say that the first few days of reading brought me the farthest distance the fastest because it was like suddenly I could see things 100% clearer than I'd ever seen them before. There were still many months of head down trudging onward, don't count the back steps, focus only on the forward, days.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I found alanon when I could not go on any longer. I had tried everything else and nothing worked I was angry at church and God and was filled with hopelessness, anger resentment, self pity and fear. I knew I felt better after attending meetings so I started to really listen. . I read the Steps and saw that in the 12th Step I was promised a "Spiritual Awakening: as a result of the Steps. I knew that was spiritually unconscious so I decided to stay to connect completely with the program, get a sponsor, attend daily meetings and see if I could achieve this promise.
I have achieved the alanon promises as outlined in the Sticky above one day at a time. I continue to attend and post because I can easily become spiritually unconscious again and be right back where I started so long ago.
This is indeed a one day at a time program and I am glad you are here.
hi, like hotrod, my lowest point got me there. overwhelming feelings of hoplessness and self pity. i knew i couldnt carry on with these dark negative thoughts that had plagued my mind for years. so, i went to my first meeting, cried all the way through and knew instantly that i was where i should be. since then i have slipped from my program but i very quickly go back so i live at least one aspect every day.x
