"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Reflecting on the Loss of my AH

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

It has been exactly one month today since my AH passed away unexpectedly from renal and liver failure, and it also would have been his 52nd birthday. I continue to be all over the board with my emotions: sometimes I'm sad and unconsolable, sometimes I'm angry, and sometimes there is a sense of relief (we were in the middle of a contentious divorce that was not going well after he petitioned to the court that I provide him spousal support). I may not have liked him as he got deeper and deeper in this wretched disease, but I loved him and always will. I don't know what to think sometimes lately, but this is what I do know:

- Thank God for Al-Anon! I don't know how I could have made it through the last four years without the Al-Anon tools, meetings, literature, my sponsor and the support of fellow members of my home group and this board.

- I'm glad that I waited at least six months before I made the decision to separate from my AH. I would have not made sound decisions if I had acted solely based on my emotions.

- I'm glad that I made a plan so that once I did decided that I really had no choice but to leave and take care of myself, I had my "ducks in order" and knew who I could depend on at a minute's notice to help me.

- I'm thankful that, through this experience, I have rediscovered my faith in God. I gave up control to Him, and with that trust, I have survived a very difficult journey.

- I will continue to work my program, as one of my daughters is also one of my qualifiers, and I need help to keep my boundaries strong as we all deal with the outfall of my AH's (her dad's) sudden passing.

- Lastly, my AH did not survive this dreadful disease, but I did. And I am stronger for it.

Thank you for letting me share.

Green Eyes

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you for sharing. Your strength is inspiring. Its such a heartbreaking and cruel disease that affects everyone that comes into contact with it. Your program is clearly guiding you through this time in your life and I am happy you have it. Thinking of you.

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

((((GREENEYES)))))

Again... So Very Sorry for your Loss, I Lost My Dad in this Way as well... Days After his 58th birthday! ON Thanksgiving :( And ALL thee Emotions that You mentioned I too went thru with him, and I Did Not Find Al-Anon till a Month after he Past away, Boy would I had LOVED to Find it Earlier... But it is Such a Tabu kinda think in my area, Small Town which usually Means Alot of Small Minds...

This Disease in one of the Most Cunning & Baffling I have ever been involved in! I Lost My Dad in Nov 08, By Dec 08 I Found MIP, By Jan 2nd 09 I Walked into my 1st F2F Meeting, and on Oct. 2010 I Had my Last Drink (God Willing) Cause I too am an Alcoholic...And it Took Al-Anon to make me Realize just How Far Gone I Really Was...

The Changes that this Program can bring to us is Amazing, if we are just willing to Show up, Do the Work, and Have Faith in Our HP... It Sounds to me like even tho you are having Tough "Moments" You are Still Remembering your Gratitude, and that is So Very Important... So Grateful that you keep Coming Back too... This Board Has Saved me from myself when I Couldn't get to my F2F Meetings and the Love here is so Refreshing from my Everyday life...

I too am a Very Grateful Al-Alon Member, Thanks for sharing your Struggles, & your Triumphs... Sometimes its tough, but it does help release some of the pressure, getting out of our head :)

KEEP COMING BACK
Friends in Recovery

Jozie

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs GE,

Sending you lots of love and support I love your program :)

Hugs P :)

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

You work an inspiring program! Keep on keeping on. Sending you much love and support on your journey!

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((GreenEyes)))))

So sorry, I didn't know. So I am learning in the program that some don't make it - how sad. But I am also learning that the miracle is that we can recovery. All the best and one day at a time.

Nancy

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

Thinking of you Greeneyes ((((hugs))))) x

Katy

x

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

A ((((Hug))))) to you Greeneyes,
Thank you for this very special post, it seems to me filled with a knowledge of loving strength. You are a very special and inspiring person.

marycontrary · Member

My heart goes out to you. So sorry for your loss. Keep on keepin on. Best wishes
Mary Contrary

britbug · Member

I know what it's like to go through the gamut of emotions - no matter what emotion you're feeling, it is amplified x 1,000 at this fragile time. Try to keep that in mind & be patient with yourself. Someone told me not long after my brother died that "it never gets easier, you only get stronger," and I have found it to be so, so true. Hang in there.

I hope Alanon can help me like it helped you.

My condolences,
Brittany

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm so happy you have continue to come here and post. We don't want to lose you as you have so much strength for all of us.

Again I'm so sorry for your lose and I pray you will have peace and happiness to move on and have the good life you deserve.

((( hugs )))

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for that great share Green Eyes...

Your loss serves to remind us all about the fact that this dreaded disease truly IS "life or death", and that no matter what we do, every situation won't turn out the way we had hoped/planned.... Talk about a reinforcement of step 1, in the acceptance of powerlessness!

Kudos to you for continuing to work your program..... as you have said, your AD is also one of your qualifiers, but I also believe that you are prioritizing YOU here, and know full well that you are worth it.

Thanks for sharing

Tom

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

What a beautiful post and I hear your strength.

Thanks for the inspiration
Paula

AlAnonDave · Veteran Member

What a devastating disease. Cunning, baffling and powerful. Good to hear that youre trying to work at this. Ive lost a lot and became a drunk myself. Why is truly the shortest biggest word in the dictionary- I could ask myself that question all day and the only one who knows just wants me to live a day at a time and let him handle things. I think ill let him today.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

was so glad to see your post. Also nice to read the serenity you are finding.

I dreamed of my first AH who died last night and it has been 32 years since I lost him to this horrible disease.

It takes a long time to find more and more healing from such a huge loss. Cannot be pushed. I am so sad you have to have gone thru it.

I am glad you keep coming. We need you.

much love,debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"