The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I swear sometimes I feel like I can't be knocked down any further! Finally decide to go to a face to face meeting. Takes lots of planning with an 18 month baby! They no longer have that meeting due to not enough interest but is still listed on the Alanon website. I feel like I am constantly pulling myself up just to be knocked down again. AH is supportive of my getting help but still thinks he can control his drinking. So when I see all the tell tale signs I spin off the deep end. The thing is he has gotten better, not stumbling, slurring drunk for months now. So why can't I get better? I've orderd "Getting the Sober", I'm reading "the Courage to Change". Why can't I be happy?
I'm sorry to hear that the meeting you wanted to attend was no longer in session. I would suggest calling your local area hotline and see if you can get in touch with someone there in regards to finding an active meeting. It's an unfortunate occurrence, but please remember that everyone in the program is doing the best they can - and that means that sometimes web sites or meeting schedules don't always get updated immediately if there's a change by your local area Al-Anon service workers.
If you're really serious about your recovery, you may want to think twice about allowing a closed meeting to derail your efforts.
To your last question, just think on this: Happiness is a choice.
I know in my experience it took a lot of practice and changing my thinking to finally realize that I do have power over my decisions to either be happy or not. My mood does not need to be conditional to outside circumstances. Let it begin with me.
Both books are excellent. So sorry the website had not updated with a meeting closed. I would look for aother meeting. They also have gret online ones here, but face to face are extremely important.
I could not get better until I was ready to change. Mine continued to drink and I stayed with him but I definitely got better. reading and attending face to face...working the steps and talking to my sponsor...all ways that helped ME get better.
You are not being punished. You are jsut living with an active alkie. It feels like punishment at times.
I'm really sorry you're going through this lissa34. I can identify what a hassle it was to go anywhere with a toddler. You must've been so mad and so disappointed. We have to learn to be happy. I know I struggle with it. Do you sometimes feel like, even though things are going well with your AH--and I'm really glad they are--do you sometimes feel like you want to prepare yourself for disappointment? Like you're afraid to enjoy the good stuff cos you're waiting for the other shoe to drop? I could give you any number of platitudes but I know they won't help. One thing that sometimes helps me is deep breathing, if I can get a few minutes to myself. (like maybe when your toddler is napping? *Hopefully* he/she still naps?) Maybe you could try that? I dunno. I DO understand. Are there any other meetings in your area you could go to?
Hang in there. I understand.
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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.-Marianne Williamson
I know I have to be ready to change and I will feel like I am and then BOOM! here I am depressed because he drank. Oh lord, do I need help! Thanks so much for the posts!
Oh my goodness...I could have written this...I have been in this headspace off and on for 2 years...it seems I just start to see a little light of hope, only for it to be squelched...so many days I have felt like the universe is punishing me...
It's very hard for me to get out of this mindset...so if any of you have tips..please share them with us.
I try to ask HP for help, but I'm a bit of a skeptic where she is concerned....
I think pulling ourselves up when we've been knocked down is just part of being human. It's our attitude in how quickly we get back up and brush ourselves off that makes the difference to me. My AH has sworn that he's done drinking, he has apologized for the crap he's put us through this past year and a half, and still I'm not happy and jumping for you. A lot of that is because of what lissa said, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every time my Ah has promised in the past to quit, he wound up drunk again a month or 2 later. I guess we hate having our hopes get shattered.
Yet, here's the thing: we're letting someone else's actions dictate OUR happiness, OUR serenity, and OUR path in life. Al Anon is about taking control of us so that we can stand on our own two feet and move on whether it's with or without our alcoholic loved ones. Fear is what keeps us down, anger and resentment creep it there, too. For me, it's always been about fear. So, ask yourself: what are you really afraid of? When I started to really address my fears I found it easier to release them and work on their root cause. It takes work, it's taking me lots of tearful sessions alone in my car, and I've still got a long way to go but I'm hopeful about my process through Al Anon. Keep coming back, you'll find the answers you need either here or at a face to face meeting(if you eventually can find one). It took me a year just to walk through the door of a meeting, so it's awesome that you are trying to get help for your own recovery. We have online meetings here, too, that you could also look into!
Many folks will be so focused on alcohol and getting drunk as the problem...You still have to figure out if you are compatible under all that drunken behavior. Aside from the fact that there doesn't seem to be a recovery program in place and that's a recipe for just another descent into heavier drinking later on...
Anyhow, relationships are complex. I guess a lot of us figured "If he could get his drinking under control we could work on our REAL issues." Only to find out that the REAL issues were what was making the person drink and making them so unbearable in the first place.
I heard your story at an alanon meeting the other night, one of the long timers shared that her A was getting better and she got more and more out of control and crazy.
What I heard most out of the story is the fact she was sick and tired of being sick and tired and would do anything to get better at that point. There are soooo many great books and tools out there to help you get better and continue to get better. Sometimes I kind of look at getting knocked down as the HP of my understanding God .. saying .. how bad do you REALLY want this? You are going to have to work I can show you where to go and how to get there hold your hand and love you through it .. however how bad do you really want it. I then surprise myself with .. I want it pretty bad. I do the next right thing and that is not always an easy choice or decision.
I truly am sorry you had that experience of not having the meeting open. I would encourage you to call the local hotline and find a meeting in your area that is available.
How bad do you really want your recovery? Enough to try again?
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hi lissa, I'm so sorry your meeting was cancelled. Sadly this happens sometimes, it has been a problem with my regular meeting, a few times the meeting, which is held at a church, was cancelled at the last minute because the church needed the space for another event. Our group is now seeking another venue, so we can be sure this won't happen again, especially for newcomers. I know how scary it is to go to that first meeting, and can only imagine how discouraged you felt to learn it was cancelled or moved. Please give a face to face another try, you are worth it.
You asked about punishment. Last night, when my AH was sober, we talked a bit and he said, when he gets drunk and wants to be left alone, staying holed up in the basement all night, it's not because he is punishing me, it is because he feel unworthy to even be near me. It made me so sad to hear that this was how he feels. I love him so much, and I know he is not unworthy of love, he is suffering from a horrible and devastating disease called alcoholism. So please don't feel as though any of what happens to you in this disease is a punishment.
