The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can relate 100%to what you have said. I am separated from my AH of 19 years. I, like you, miss all those things too. I am also shy and have difficulty making friends. My 2 weekly face to face meetings have helped in that area so much. I feel very close to all those people now after only 5 months. They were a lifesaver. My activities which I have neglected for the last few years while trying to " save" the love of my life from the ravages of this hideous disease are also weather related. I love hiking too and have found that going out in the cold and even rain is invigorating. Never liked it before but once I started doing it to relieve stress, I now love it. I like to hike in timber and have found so many things I never noticed before. I also love to garden and gave that up but now am looking forward to this summer. I have started looking through seed catalogs and planning. I live in a rural area so I have less opportunities to meet people but I know I eventually will find more friends. As I get healthier, I know that it will become easier. I am a lot to blame for not having a lot of friends because I was too wrapped up in my AH's disease. Brighter days are ahead. Keep working on yourself and your HP will present many opportunities for you. I know I have disregarded many that have been presented in the past and have no intention of having more missed opportunities. I loved to take care of my husband but I forgot to take care of me too.
-- Edited by life_is_good on Monday 4th of February 2013 09:56:44 PM
I keep telling myself that I am doing ok with everything, the move, divorce and being alone, but in part I think I am lying to myself. I don't know that I am as ok as I say that I am. I see my family and friends happy in their lives, things going well for them and they are moving forward doing new things for themselves, enjoying their family and lives and I feel very much like a wall flower on the outside looking in at their worlds, wishing I could be a part of it all. Ugh!! Today is filled with some self reflection for sure. I know that I have never done well being alone. I like having someone in my life and being single again after 10 years being with someone, even if it was an unhealthy relationship, is starting to be challenging for me. I like having someone in my life to bounce ideas off of, laugh with and spend time around. I like doing things for someone and having some in my life that appreciates it. I know that spending some time by myself is good for me to use for growing and learning to love myself again but I HATE it. Why can't I just have a relationship wtih a normal man that is responsible and doesn't always put himself first? I have learned a lot about me and what I do and don't want for my life. Alanon has helped me to grow and be a better person. I am thankful for that. I just could handle my HP putting a few new friends in my path now. Maybe I am just being impatient. I have always been a very shy person so its not easy to make new friends. I have my goals and the dreams of the things I want to do and try in my life. I have started to work on those, most are just weather dependent and are kind of on the back burner till we get closer to summer weather. Love to hike, just not in the cold and rain. I feel like I just have not been living life, that I am just a spectator, even in my own life. How do you change this?
It takes a LOT of time and most important I know if I were to get into a relationship now .. I would get what I have always gotten .. even though I'm healthier than I have been probably ever .. I'm not there yet. No one is perfect, I do not want to travel down this road .. I deserve soooo much better. Until I can feel not be so focused on being with someone and being happy with me I'm def not ready to be in a relationship of any kind. I do get what you are saying about enjoying the little things I was with STBAX for 16 years. He's moved on big time .. it's not that I haven't it's like I told the policeman the other day .. I just want my life back so I can make some decisions that don't have to be about this chapter of my life. Whatever dream I have about this relationship they are not the reality I lived for those 16 years. We had some good fun years .. however .. the past 6 reminds me that it was not normal relationship.
I started asking the kids about what dreams and goals they have for us as a family. It really got me thinking about what do I want with or without someone else in my life. I have had some very pleasant thoughts. I am thinking about moving .. I am thinking about taking the kids on a weekend vacation this spring. We need some fun and they have been doing really great with this fun stuff and reminded me that there is a whole lot more fun to be had that does require anyone else to do it.
I can make that fun for me, regardless of what it is.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
