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My AH went to a doctor that is now been treating him for BiPolar disorder for two months now. First month he drank heavy with the med and things were the same ..tho he said He felt "happy" he was stoned with the combo of booze and pills. I called the office manager and informed her of his alcohlic ways and let her know he was double taking pills with booze. He went back for his month ck up and they added another med to his (dont know wht was said, my AH is habitual liar) But even I saw a difference. He said he didnt have urge to drink and he finally felt calm without being messed up. He worked a lot of night shifts and long days and all was fine..UNTIL .. this weekend !! he drank friday night, all day and evening saturday, even bragging about his meds making him happy, all day Sunday. I never got mad, never said a word. (really whats the point)
Sunday night I came home (from across street) super bowl party. Got our son to bed and was layin in bathtub. He came in and said he came home becuase we did. I knew he's been drinking with his friends all day (hard stuff) I told him he didnt hafta come home becasue I had to get kids to bed. Then he said I can never make you happy, I didnt do anything wrong.. I did respond with I never said you did...and he said I want a divorce! everyone over there can't stand you and on and on how he did nothing wrong wasnt even drunk and I will never be happy with him.
I just said well, guess you need to file then. He txtd a few times after he left telling me Im crazy etc and how he would never let me sleep in my truck etc. I just turned phone off after I reminded him. I didnt make him leave. I was taking a bath and going to bed.
this morning I wake up, he never came home..called my neighbor and asked if he knew if he was ok. He said he had spole with him that night after everyone left the party and he was going to sleep it off at his moms rent house (its vacant) I told him thx.
I just think .. how freaking arrogant this "man" is !!!! what nerve !!
Im trying to give it to God but when/if he comes home from work today I want to say ???? umm didnt you leave, theres no swinging door here... UGH dreading him getting off work!!!!!!
thanks for letting me vent
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Would the kids be with you when he gets home from work? My concern is, if he is wanting to confront you with anger, that the kids would be there to witness. Maybe you can take them somewhere so he has some time to get to the house and settle down, or maybe you can take the kids somewhere us and confront him some place neutral. Either way, just be safe and take care of your children.
Releasing his guilt and self loathing to you. I think alanon tools like detach with love would help. My ex done this and he wanted a reaction because that removed the focus and guilt from him to me. This allowed him to continue drinking and behave like a brat without any self evaluation or adjustment. I played his game for years. So he drank and continued his pathetic behaviour. I never saw my part in this. I entered willingly into this little drama of ours because it allowed me to avoid myself and my own self evaluation. Was scared to really look at myself through fear. I too had self loathing and I suppose that's why we both stuck together for years. It suited both of us. We were both sick. I'm recovering now andhe was in aa at Xmas, not saw him so not sure what he's doing. I do still feel resentment but I do hope he gets better.
My exAH threatened our marriage constantly whenever a disagreement arose. Seems he felt the only way to get what he wanted was to make threats. Before my recovery in Al-Anon, these threats scared the life out of me. He knew it scared me and that's why he used the threat so frivolously.
When I got into Al-Anon, I learned to start sticking up for myself - and most important, I learned I would be okay whether I was married to the A or not. When he eventually threatened divorce after I'd had some program under my belt, he was not ready for my response, which went something like: "Well, if that's what you want, then I guess that's what may be needed." He never threatened me with divorce again during a disagreement. When it did come down to a true divorce, it was me who requested it, and I wasn't using it as a tool to manipulate the relationship. I truly had enough and I followed through.
My husband started threatening me with divorce in October when he started drinking very heavy. For months he told me he hated me and was divorcing me whenever he was really drunk. He continued to come home everynight and go to bed with me at night and made no move to move out, file for divorce, or even move into the separate bedroom. After two and half months of hearing almost daily how he couldn't wait to get away from me he I kicked him out after I had to take a protective order against him because he turned violent. We've been separated for nearly two months now and he still has made no move to file the divorce papers and probably never will.
When my STBAX starts rattling I usually just let him. My daughter said it best when she said to me the other day mom .. he just constantly talks out his butt. I did have to laugh .. sad albeit accurate assessment of what he says and what he does. I doubt he would have filed for divorce if I had not, and even though there was someone else in the picture I doubt he would have filed until she did. He wanted his cake and eat it to .. still does. He's very angry that reality keeps crashing in on him. Ohhh little things like being told by the judge we are still married .. LOL. He is insistant that we are NOT married it's really kind of crazy to say the least.
I do encourage you, .. anyone for that matter to make sure you do keep a paper trail. I can't figure out how I can have gone through 2 atty's and I'm no closer to being divorced than I was a year ago?? Granted I don't want to be divorced before 2014 I don't know why that sticks in my mind AND the longer we go the more rope he has to hang himself. I really feel sorry for him .. he just can't seem to help himself.
I agree when I filed it was on my terms and that part of the deal def feels good. I feel uncomfortable with the kids involved (I'm refering to my own) it's very easy to say detach however this is in my case very much not a normal relationship and not only do I deserve some peace so do my children. My daughter will be in highschool next year and she deserves to know that she's not constantly under the gun with things. Wondering when the next drama is going to unfold. All I want is my life back and I've gotten most of it back now I want my freedom. I want that for my children as well. They can have a relationship with him .. at this point it's far more damaging than it is anything else.
You need to know what you want and don't want .. take your time and decide it's not like he's going to be able to follow through at this point.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
He came home played ball in yard with our little boy. I went to bank. He acts like nothing happened so do I just don't have much to say. He's not to sure how to act because I have no reaction, no words to even say. He's txted a could times today with I love you I respond U2. He said I wish we got along better i didn't reply. Have nothin to say ! This too shall pass. Is how I feel!!
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Stay Sweet, & Take Care of You & Kiddo's .... Your Right! This to Shall Pass, Just Keep Following Your Gut, and take it One Step at a Time... Your Doing Great! And Your by No Means Alone in the things your Feeling, so embrace them & release them to the HP of your understanding! :) Keep Walking in FAITH :)
