The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am coming to terms with a marriage cycle of emotional manipulation, compulsive lying and codependency. In accepting what I cannot change, I have always stood my ground when it comes to honesty, and therefore trust. Dishonesty I will always find to be unacceptable behavior, though I have learned all-to-well that it is very common with the family disease of alcoholism. My part in it is that somehow I still 'expect' my qualifier to become honest so that we can rebuild some trust. And each time a lie is discovered somehow I am devastated all over again. After years in this marriage, I find myself disconnecting as my qualifier attempts to convince me that it was 'not a lie this time' and works on me emotionally until I give in yet again. I used to be so much stronger than this, yet now feel like I am trying to crawl out of some sort of Gaslight quick sand of manipulation and codependency that keeps me here. I keep turning it over, and am recognizing that my HP has provided me with plenty of opportunities to do something different. As my heart aches to move on and let go, I hope only for the strength to do so. I know that I cannot do it alone, and am at last breaking through the denial that has kept me here for so many years.
-- Edited by ofservice on Saturday 2nd of February 2013 10:12:59 AM
It certainly sounds as if you are ready to seek your own recovery program Great !!! I am glad that you found us. Living with this disease of alcoholism we slowly but surely become affected by responding to the insanity and chaos that we confront daily.
Alanon is a fellowship of people who live with or have lived with the disease of alcoholism and understand as few others can . Face to face meetings are held in most communities and can be found by calling the hotline number in the white pages.
It was here that I learned to accept that alcoholism was a disease over which I was powerless and that I could find happiness for myself if I : picked up the simple tools of alanon and worked each day to achieve my peace.
You are worth the effort Please keep coming back here as well There is hope
