The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Alcoholism is a disease over which we are powerless. We who lived with or live with this disease become negatively affected. Like the alcoholic, we need a program of recovery. Alanon is that program. Face to face meetings are held in most communities so please check the white pages for the hot line and call.
In alanon we learn to break the isolation and connect with others who understand as few others can. We suggest that you make no major life changes for the firstt 6 months in program That is so you can develop new tools and gain clarity as to your your choices and best decisions for your life
Keep coming back here and sharing There is hope
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 2nd of February 2013 12:09:16 AM
Hello. I'm new to Al-Anon. My husband of ten years (he's 41) recently admitted he is an alcoholic. I've suspected if for about a year but he finally said he words - on his own that is. In two months he has been to a total of four AA meetings. In two months of so called "sobriety" I have caught him drinking at least twice. I suspect he is drinking now but can't prove it. He smokes pot everyday (always has). I asked him to stop the pot as well, but he refused. We have an 8 year old daughter and she is my main concern. Even though it has only been two months, I feel like I'm done. I feel like everything he says is a bold faced lie - there is no trust, every time he leaves the house I suspect he's going to drink. I refuse to spend years or the rest of my life on a perpetual cycle of him falling off the wagon. I don't feel like he is actively initiating a sober lifestyle with AA. He only goes when he thinks I'm mad. I'm just disgusted. Really sad part of it all is I love him more than anything. We've been together since high school. I am thinking of seeing a lawyer but I'm just not sure. Any advice?
If you want to see a lawyer do. It doesn't mean you have to do anything. I started almost 2 years ago by just talking to one on the phone. About 6 months later, I went in person. He didn't charge me anything for either of these consultations but when we were done I felt so powerful. There is a lot of power in knowledge. I finally did file for divorce a week ago, but I didn't jump right into it. So, if you are in doubt you can be assured that you are not making any decisions by just gathering information. Good luck!
It sounds as if you have already reached a level of awareness that it took many years for many of us to reach: that he is who is is and the odds are enormous that he's not going to change. With the alcohol and the weed it also looks as if he has two addictions going on and that's quite a bit. Not that "only" one isn't enough to drag a person's life down into insanity.
Addictions suck everyone around them into the same chaos and distorted thinking, no matter how much we try to keep our eyes clear. It can help a lot to find a good meeting (they say to try 6 since they're all different -- and they are), learn about the tools, and find a sponsor. Then when we make decisions we can make them with clarity, and also make sure we can steer clear of pitfalls in the future. Meetings and maybe a sponsor will also be a great form of support in the time ahead. No matter what path you decide, there will be people who have done it and who can offer good Experience, Strength, and Hope. I hope you'll keep coming back here as well.
Thank you for the great responses. I told him this morning he can either stop the drinking AND pot, and get actively involved in AA with a sponsor or move out. Should he decide not to do either I will legally make it for him. We have an 8 year old daughter who I can happily say hasn't really been affected. I have kept quite sheltered and make it a point to never get into it with him in front of her. I'm ready to move on as I refuse together his victim. It saddens me because I do love him however if he desktop choose us then that's on him.
