The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night my ABF got a call from a drinking buddy of his (he would say friend, but I know better) asking if he'd help him fix his car. - At 9pm. He asked if I minded if he went (not that it would matter either way) but I calmly told him that he was an adult, and that was his decision. Normally I would have gotten angry, pitched a fit about it being so late, yadda yadda yadda. Instead, I hugged him goodbye. He said he'd be back in about an hour.
I spent the next hour taking a long bubble bath. I turned off all the lights, locked my bedroom door, and went to bed. I didn't spend the next 8 hours up and down, texting, calling, checking the driveway to see if he was home - crying. Instead, I slept. I got up this morning got dressed. He was asleep on the couch, reeking of alcohol when I left to go to work. I don't know where he went, or when he came home, and I know he probably wouldn't tell me the truth if I asked.
I appreciate this great example of Step One. Sometimes detachment and Step One are difficult to visualize, but this is a beautiful image. Thank you! And great job!!
That is awesome! It does seem like the way to take care of you. Later on after practicing that more times you can then assess if you want to be in a relationship with someone that does that and acts like that, but it's hard to make those choices while you are flipped out and frantic.
He knows he is an alcoholic. I can't make him change, all I can do is protect myself (financially & emotionally - he's never been physically abusive towards me, so I don't worry about that at all).
The thing is, when he is not drinking, he is so awesome, kind, caring - he totally "gets me" and just seems to know what I'm thinking all the time. I used to think HP put him in my life for a reason, and that was for me to help him. I don't believe that anymore. He is in my life for a reason, I just don't waste my time trying to figure out why. If in the future, he ends up not being in my life, I'm sure it will be for a reason, as well.
