The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease over which we are powerless. Living with this disease we become very negatively affected and, just like the alcoholic, need a program of recovery. Al anon is this fellowship. Face to face meetings are held in most communities. I suggest that you check the white pages for the hot line number and call for a meeting schedule.
We need to break the isolation caused by the disease and connect with others who understand as few others can. At face to face meetings we develop a support group and learn new tools to enrich our lives. We begin to take the focus off the alcoholic and place it on ourselves . When we do this our lives improve because we do not have time to worry about others .
Please keep coming back here and sharing the journey
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 31st of January 2013 04:43:38 PM
I have been "looking in" on this site for about 2 years now. It has taken this long to understand that I can't do this alone. I still have not been to f2f meetings because I can barely make myself leave the house to take my kids to school and then pick them up. I have 3 wonderful children- girl 13, boy 11, boy 18 months. I know they are being affected by the arguing. I sometimes think that I am more the problem then my AH. I can't focus on any of the things that use to make me happy. I check my husbands hiding places 10 times a day even though I know nothing has changed. Then I search the entire garage to see if there are any new hiding places. I know he keeps the bottles in his vehicle which I don't have acsess to but I still search. I wait to see if his speech is slurred when he gets home to decide if I'm going to be mad, happy, or sad. If he works late he must be drinking (he's self employed so it makes it easy to drink on the job). He has cut back dramatically over the past year but does not believe in AA. He also has physical ailments which when I finally got him to see a doctor they said they can't find anything concrete must be fibromyalgia (which he won't accept). I am trying so hard to let go and let god but then I have a complete relapse such as yesterday. I haven't been able to figure out what jobs he is spending so much time on so I got mad when he said he was going in to a job and I felt he should work from home. He then became angry also and stayed at "work" until 9:00 pm. I shouldn't be scrutininzing everything but I can't seem to stop. Help!!
I'm so very sad to read your post. One thing I can say, is you came to the right place. You do not have to go through this alone. There are so many people here who have been, or still are, where you are. The checking of breath, the searching for proof that he is drinking, all of those things can just drive us crazy. To be healthy for your children, you need to find some peace and serenity for yourself. Coming here can be your first step towards reaching that. And, as Amyclaire said, there are good books to read to help. You need to be more gentle on yourself and help find some peace.
Thank you! Yes, I have found myself angrily driving across town, confronting his "friends" who are old men and alcoholics and lost everything themselves. Sometimes I think my AH would like to end up like them! I have also found that when I stop looking and confronting that everyone is happier. So why don't I stop? He's admitted he has a problem, says he's working on it in his own way, and generally tries to be supportive. He has slips just as I do, back into our destructive behaviors but we both love each other. One day at a time, right (just wish these bad days didn't feel like the end of the world).
Thanks for reaching out and sharing your experience! I struggle with similar thigs with my parents and partners--checking ot make sure they are happy before I allow myself to be happy, basing my moods off theirs.
In al anon i've been told to use the phrase "in spite of..."
"In spite of feeling sad, I'm still going to have a good day."
"In spite of being stressed out around my parents relationship, I'm goinog to have my OWN relationships"
Its very disorienting to try to live these things differently, and it moves slowly, but just like the last user said, what are you going to do? What is lissa's choice? It sscary sometimes because we don't know who we are independently, or what our choices are or could be.
If face to face meetings are possible, they might be helpful. If you need someone to call send me a private message on this website and I'll send youmy phone number.
Thank you all so much! I am like many people on this board who have set backs and then move forward. I will go weeks pumping myself up, saying I'm good and then BOOM! a fog comes over me and I am a paranoid freaker. I do sometimes wonder how everyone lives with me at those times. I want to smile again and feel joy. I use to be president of my kids PTSA and now I can barely make 1 meeting a year. I use to have them signed up for lots of activities and now if they have activities it's because someone else will take them. I want to have more than 2 days in a row where I'm comfortable in my own skin. I am going to face to face meetings.
Thank you all so much! I am like many people on this board who have set backs and then move forward. I will go weeks pumping myself up, saying I'm good and then BOOM! a fog comes over me and I am a paranoid freaker. I do sometimes wonder how everyone lives with me at those times. I want to smile again and feel joy. I use to be president of my kids PTSA and now I can barely make 1 meeting a year. I use to have them signed up for lots of activities and now if they have activities it's because someone else will take them. I want to have more than 2 days in a row where I'm comfortable in my own skin. I am going to face to face meetings.
Dear Lissa
I am so glad that you made that decision. Investing in m own recovery is / was the best thing I have ever done for myself!!!
