I don't know if this will ever end...the surprises, the blows mentally to my peace of mind...my AH had a friend recommended him for a really good job with good pay. He works in summer but is usually on unemployment in winter and drinks more heavily. The co-worker from the other job that recommended him didn't know him really well, but he told his full time boss that AH was great when he worked with him part time in another job. This job was supposed to start in February and he had a foot in the door, basically. I wondered how this had happened, since he hadn't really earned this great recommendation, I felt. It wasn't like he was going out there this winter, pounding doors down for a job, in fact, he spends most of this time on the computer at home and drinking. Well, he had spoken to the boss and this guy was going to call him at the end of January. He hadn't heard from him, so he called and the guy said to come in to see him. He went in yesterday and the guy said AH got a bad recommendation from his second to last employer, whom this boss knew for 20 years. My AH tried to explain some of the mistakes he had made in his former job with this employer and said it was this woman that was there who made all the mistakes. The new boss did not believe it and said he couldn't hire him. Now that job is gone. We live in a small town and my AH has mostly had manual labor jobs. He could do so much better, he has a great mind and is good with his hands, I have always encouraged him to go back to school, but his disease gets the best of him. He always bragged about how good he was in his jobs that he did, and he complained about others and how poorly they worked. There was always someone he didn't get along with, and when he got accused of doing something the wrong way at work, he would insist his way was the right way, he was very arrogant, often not getting along with others. He explained these situations at his various jobs so well, that it I was convinced it was someone else at his job, not him. He is an elaborate liar.

So our roommate was his best friend for years and worked two jobs alongside with him, and although AH has often treated him like crap and talked badly about him, too, he has stayed by him. He actually rents a room in our house now and has been sober for a year. I thought he would be a good influence on AH, but so far not much effect, except that AH cleans the house more! (this guy is really neat). So his friend told me yesterday that AH is not a good worker, and that he often blamed others for everything, and that is why he is getting the bad references now. The friend is a bit jealous because he is not legal to work, so he gets paid less than AH, but has said over the years that he does better work than AH. Deep in my mind, I know this to be true, but I find all of it hard to digest. He said that my AH will have trouble in the future finding good work because he is lazy. I've found him to even do sloppy work at home even when sober, and act like he knows what he is talking about, even when he doesn't. His arrogance is amazing.

To top it off, this week the woman I thought he had an affair with this summer and fall was in the paper for getting a divorce. That started some more arguments between us. I dont know if he is still seeing her, since he disappears a lot on the weekends. Some days I feel so sorry for him and that is what hinders me from leaving, other times I would love to have him move away and me and the kids would never see him again, that's how intense my feelings are. A friend of mine thinks I'm crazy to stay with someone who doesn't work, doesn't respect me and who cheats and drinks.

Minaret