The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been recently looking over chat rooms and postings looking for people in a similar position as me? My brother has been an addict for 25 years now. In and out of jail....getting jobs.....doing well for several years....then spriralling into the same old life. I have taken a stand over the years, not enabling him. Very hard when you receive a call in the evening from him saying if I didn't send him some money, the dealer that was sitting there was going to hurt him. But I didn't. Was awful. I live in a different city as him. I speak with him every so ften, mostly when he is doing well or if he's in jail. I know when he's spirraled because he doesn't speak to me. I have a "nowmal" life with kids. they don't understand why their uncle comes and goes and I don't know how much to tell them? they are young. I stuggle with letting them know that Uncle isn't a bad person. I wnat to protect them from his stupid choices. I find mylsef relieved when he's in jail bezause then I know he's safe. I don't get the cycle he's in. I don't understand the choices he makes. Then, my parents have been enablers for most of that 25 years. I'm sure out of guilt. But it's so frustrating seeing my brother use and use and use them. Right now, they have supposedly washed their hands of him. Let's see how long that lasts. Why do I have to have this. I know in my head it's because it's going to help me, change me, I'm strong enough to handle it...all that. But when you cut yourself off from an addict, how do you get other people you love to do the same thing, to understand that it's the best for that person, despite how difficult it is?
Posting and finding resources such as this is a great way to start. You only need worry about you and how you want to handle this is what I'm learning. You can let your parents know about MIP and hope they too find some help. Al-Anon meetings are also a great reference to give them and yourself. I am not at the place you are but hope you find others who can help you and have similar experiences they can share with you.
Sis, I've been in your shoes. You are not alone. It was my experience that whatever the connection to the addicted person, the issues are the same (or close enough) so that many of the posts were helpful. They were lifelines. I would find entries that spoke to me and sought out their other posts. I took what I liked and left the rest. Still do.
