The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I want them to move out. I want them to stop drinking. I want my space back. I'm so angry. I just recently found out that I can't say anything to her without flipping out. She asked me if I were in her shoes would I get a job. I said yes. Normally I just nod and give her the answer she wants. That's what I should have done. She accused me of harassing her and I lost it. I started screaming at her and used profanities and it was like it wasn't even me. I felt like some other force had taken over and it was really ugly. I still feel the need to say that she asked me. Why do they ask questions if they don't want an answer. How long can I live this way? I know she plans on being here for a year and its already been 4 months. I don't want them here for a year.
I know I can't talk to her about it without the intense guilt and anger. Very strange mix of emotions there. So hard to deal with and process them by myself let alone out loud to people.
I know if I could find a way to take care of little Alana in this craziness that I would be ok. I'm having a hard time so we are hiding. Hiding is what I've done best my whole life and I feel it beginning to crush me again. I sit here in my living room as still and quiet as possible to avoid any kind of interaction with them. When we came out of hiding I remember how amazing it was. I didn't even realize I wasn't fully living my life. Now I've put myself in a position again where I'm not taking care of me.
I don't know how to speak for myself. I feel like I have to make a choice, them or me. I'm choosing them right now because I don't want them to be homeless. But I'm losing it. They aren't even looking for a place to live. I'm scared to ask her why they aren't looking or when they plan to start looking. This sucks because I know what to do but I'm scared to do it.
Hi StargazerLily Thank you so much for posting even though you are feeling down - you have just described my own reactions and I am sorry that you are back in that place again. Maybe you are gathering your resources? You already know that the most important thing is to take great care of you. ((((hugs)))))
My daughter's name is Alana. I love that girl! So, taking care of you...I struggle with that from time to time. You recognize it right? So that's the first step. Do your best to start taking action to get back to taking care of you. I can relate to feeling overwhelmed but it is so important to take that first step. You know you will feel better when you do! I wish you luck navigating through.
