The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have often thought to myself that I would like to be able to be inside my AH's mind for just a few moments to see what goes through his mind and see what it feels like to have irrational thoughts but then I bring myself back to reality and remind myself I have had many irrational moments and thoughts due to living with this disease and no longer wish to experience that first or secondhand again. Finally have reached the point in my recovery that I feel compassion for him. I wouldn't wish this horrible disease on my worst enemy.
Because their lives being crappy is a ready made excuse to keep drinking. The disease owns them and self-pity if feul for the disease. If you keep screwing up, you have more to feel sorry for yourself about and then more reason to keep drinking. That is what the disease does. Add to that, that there is a tremendous fear of growing up and if we stay childlike and screw up all the time, someone will have to keep bailing us out and we don't have to worry about being a grown up. Deep down, alcoholics often feel ill prepared to deal with adult challenges, so they screw up and sabotage so they don't have to and everyone else that loves them gets stuck doing it for them.
That is how it worked for me anyhow. Hope that answers your question.
I think the most difficult part of this disease is that it is the only disease I know what that is incredibly selfish and self indulgent. I find my alcoholic daughter to be incredibly stubborn and arrogant. When she is sober, she talks about "her boundaries" and how everyone needs to respect them. It makes me crazy! She has been incredibly vitriolic, hateful and has affected the quality of everyone's life when she is binge drinking. It is extraordinarily difficult to have her be condescending and self-righteous when she decides not to drink. The selfishness of this disease is the most challenging part for me
Self sabatage is another sympton of this dreadful disease and a sympton I have found that I also possesed.
The Steps, helped me to let go of the destructive tools that I developed while dealing with this disease. I was so busy trying to force solutions,that I abandoned my own best interest and sacrificed my good in order to make someone else change.
I have learned to act and not react and no longer abandon myself
Thank God for alanon.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 1st of February 2013 12:30:52 AM
