The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am angry tonight and don't want to admit it to anyone, which is why I am admitting it here. It is a clue that I want to hide out. When I want to hide, it is best to get myself to an al anon meeting asap. I am angry at 3 of my 4 adult children...all have addictions to substances. Two owe us money and 1 exposes his children to a "Jerry Springer" way of relating to his wife. I am angry that I have allowed myself to be manipulated by the two that owe us money and angry at myself that I gave my Jerry Springer son some insights that I should have shared with an inanimate object...ugh. I have been causing myself to suffer most of the day...I have been so abusive to me. I vow right now to look myself in the mirror and apologize to that precious person staring back at me. Thanks for listening.....
My experience is that it is OK to be angry....it can be an emotion which is often a springboard to taking some action for ourself.
But I have to go away ...to another room, off for a drive in the car....in other words give myself space and detatch.
The hardest thing I think is to start to say 'No' when our nature is to be helpers, another word for helper is 'enabler'.
"Not just now" or "No it does not suit me" are phases that we can practise without getting into explanations....because generally they have heard all the begging for their behaviour to change over and over.
((((PP)))) you've come to the right place for the right reason....telling on yourself and exposing yourself in honesty hopefully to get help and support. We are here for you. Got your sponsor and sponsor's phone number and numbers for other members? Got the literature with the steps and slogans and the thousands of shares from the world wide fellowship? Got your gratitude and acceptance notebook or journal? This makes me sound silly to me cause I get the impression you've been around for a while and just got ambushed...hmmmm? My early sponsor told me that I had to get away from all things alcoholic....I could have populated another island with them people and then sunk the boat or grounded the plane to get there out of addiction. Keep coming back. (((((Hugs)))))
Thank you both for the time you took to respond. The guidance to get away is perfect, and, yes Jerry, I did get ambushed; what a great perspective. I am also dealing with my own transition of leaving a career of 37 years. Two big roles for me for many years were as a caregiver (mom and therapist)...now I am meandering through to care for me and am feeling lost and depressed. I have some wonderful new things I have begun and I know I need to not fill these voids with my destructive behaviors that are just waiting to have their place in my life again. I will keep God, my slogans, numbers, literature, etc. close to me.
