The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I honestly am sitting here in tears. I truly feel like the universe is trying to break me. I can't sell my house because I owe more on it than it's worth, and there are so many things wrong with it...because I trusted my exA to hire competent people to do "upgrades" -- what a joke.
I have $100 to my name, and no lines of credit because of the bankruptcy. I am almost out of firewood. Ice and snow broke the sewer vent pipe on my roof this week...and frozen pipes have made it so not one faucet worked in the house when i got up this morning. (I did manage to get the pipe thawed out).
Earlier this week, I swallowed my pride and asked my ex if he could come fix the roof vent...I haven't used my room all week (slept on the couch) because my room reeks of sewer gas. He agreed to come fix it today. It took ALOT for me to ask him...but I have no money to hire it done, and my dad who helps alot, lives an hour away, it's been 10 below zero, and I don't want him on my slippery and high roof (he is 79). This morning the ex A called and said he is too sick to fix it ...maybe later this week. Why didn't I expect that?
I work hard. I am a good person. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. How come I can't seem to get out of this hole? I'm SO tired and stressed...and there is never a soft place for me to fall. I'm on my own.
Please tell me it will get better. I just can't seem to see any hope.
Hugs reproh, I am sooooo sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. Sister mine I'm right there with you. I am really trying not to look past this moment. I immediately feel overwhelmed and want to crawl into bed and not get out. If I stay right here in the moment I do ok. I also find options I couldn't see. Hang in there. Sending you love and support. Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Dear Rehprof, What a good thing you did to reach out and write in to your support system! I know this feeling. Loss of BF; loss of job, loss of any sense of security, unable to pay bills, son relapses and I don't understand why! I feel abandoned and rejected not only by BF but by my Higher Power! I was told to consider surrender as you have hinted at...UNCLE! My sponser led me to Step 3 and I have been studying and doing the questions in Pathways to Recovery. My son is still relapsed, I still am worried about making rent in a week but I have a sense too that I am not alone. When I ask HP "are you with me?" I hear a slight whisper that says "Of course, Jackie". I am coming to realize the power of these Steps and the wonderful support of this board and Al-Anon. More meetings helped me too. You Do work hard and you ARE a good person; probably better than good...you are courageous and do the right next thing by reaching out. You are a terrific person! Peace for us, right?
{{{{{{rehprof}}}}} I've been there too and I know no matter what happens things ALWAYS get better! It won't always be this way. Talk to your HP and we send you love and peace. I am new here so I don't know the Steps as of yet but as long as you keep going forward you're going in the right direction.
((((rehprof)))) It will always get better...you say uncle good. I know how to do that one too and sometimes it leads me to a gratitude list. You're not alone and this is temporary. Thanks for the ESH. ((((hugs))))
I owed more than my house was worth also. I short sold it...I guess that's not an option or you would have done it? I thought i was up the creek with that condo cuz on paper, it looked like I would be sunk for the rest of my life. Now it's just a memory....like I paid rent all that time. Shrug.
P.S. What is the worst that can happen here? Homeless? Ok, well shelters are warm and you don't have to cook for yourself. Sounds horrid I know, but seriously, you will be provided for. You are not going to die from this...Your ex is half dead already and may get the rest of the way soon due to his self destructive behaviors.
Also, for you, it's unlikely that "homeless" would be like a bum...you'd find another option via family or roommates. You'd just be like the majority of society that doesn't own a home. And..you are not alone in owning a sinking money pit that is worth less than you owe....Not that it make it that much better to know that.
It is probably no consolation to you but if I were near you I would come over and together we would figure out how to fix that broken sewer pipe problem. I am surprised by all the things I have learned to do over the years because no one else is around, or has the inclination to get them done. Putting a simple 40 watt bare bulb lamp under sinks goes a long way to keeping the pipes from freezing (as long as you make sure it isn't going to touch anything and start a fire). One year my toilet tank froze because I kept my heat off when I wasn't home for three days a week. Yesterday I took the tire off my lawn tractor, took in to pump it up with friends air compressor, can't afford to buy a new tire so I had to lean on the tire to get a good enough seal to get air to stay in there, put the tire back on and started it up to move to the garage - because no one else is gonna do it. Last year I slept on my couch all winter in order to not spend money heating the bedroom and you could see your breath in my kitchen. What you are going through is what keeps a lot of people like us putting up with the chaos because we don't want to go through what you are experiencing, or put our children through it. I"m sorry things are so bleak for you right now.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I just never dreamed that my life would be like it is now...and somehow I have to make peace with the cards I've been dealt. Guess that's what the steps are for, ey?
somewhat better today...the full moon almost always affects my moods...
