It's been of some comfort to know my sister inlaw has allowed him to use her sofa to sleep on this last two weeks, but things have been getting worse she can't afford to keep him for free and had asked him for some board money, he has complained he doesn't get fed well and she treats her cats better, I have stayed out of this neither asking her to have him stay or any involvement what he should or shoudn't be paying, it's her house and her rules and I think he was lucky she let him stay, well all that changed last night things had been getting fraught him not coming home, staying out all night, and not letting her know and on, last night he barged into her home at midnight and was abusive and swearing she threw him out, she wrang  us in the early hours sobbing and saying she couldn't take anymore, we agreed we are at a loss with him also but said she did the right thing, my husband then wrang him to say how upset his sister was and reminded him she is also terminally ill with cancer, he was so drunk though he would n't listen, my husbnad says you won't listen son I cannot talk to you in that state I love you but your behaving like a fool,and your making us all ill, we didn't get much sleep needless to say, he was back in the pub somewhere, I was just waiting for the next phone call from the police or hostpital because this is how it affects me, I had work today I didn't really fancy going in but it does help to keep busy, when I got home this afternoon my husband looked drained of colour and soooo sad, he wrang hime then and said please do not got any where near auntie Linda house your not welcome, I have collected all your belongings and if you want anything phone me and I will give them to you, he asked him are you going to make work tomorow he said yes, and sais he would collect his things at teatime, well tea time has been and gone sigh and this is a living hell, I was focussed on him keeping his job but now I think his problems are far too complex and inevitably he is on borrowed time with his job, HE needs to find the root of all his angst, I feel like I want to write him a letter simply telling him he is deeply loved, it's just that his life choices are ruining our life too, I want him to find help and sort himself out and start to enjoy a healthy happy life, all of these days suck the life out of us, that fine line of being strong enough to see this through, I know I need to keep knowing that this is truly the right thing to do but god only knows the pain it causes to do it. I won't beable to see him if he comes beacause it breaks me when we turn him away, but remind myself he made himself homeless and would not have any such sadness in his haert right now for the pain he is causing us, love to all mip your a blessing.

Katy

 x

Hugs.  It is clear that when he sees what problems he is making for himself, he is still following his disease.  I mean he could be thinking, "I'm so lucky to have a place to sleep, I better get into recovery or things could go downhill, I better get some help so this doesn't get worse."  But no, he is making things worse for himself.  He probably has that magical thinking that someone will dash in and save him from the consequences of his own choices.  But we know where that gets him -- in the same old disease.  Remember that if nothing changes, nothing changes.  Take very good care of yourself.