The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The request has been made by my love (who is in rehab) and the counselor to come for an hour visit in two weeks. HELP!!!! My feelings about this are running amuck. Yes, I want to see him. But I am JUST now starting to get myself pulled somewhat together after the mess I found myself in when he left for rehab. I AM SCARED TO DEATH THAT IN THAT ONE HOUR VISIT I WILL BE EMOTIONALLY "left for dead...again." No, I don't want to go if it is going to be a negative situation. Bottom line I don't trust him and I don't trust myself around him in terms of emotional safety.
It may be more an "invitation" than a "request." Of course he and his counselor are looking out for him. You are the one who looks out for you. If you feel it would disturb your serenity to do it, there is absolutely no need to do it. Remember that he is going to get sober with you there for an hour or without you there for the hour ... or not. We are powerless over their drinking. What we are not powerless over is our own well-being. Please make your decision based on that and nothing else. Hugs.
I do ALWAYS sweep my feelings under the rug and am left in a mess because of it...and this love has been more pain than not. Please give me some insight... WHY? Why? do I treat myself with such disregard. I am VERY VERY new to al anon and feel like I losing my mind with all the raw emotions that are surfacing.
Being new to Al-Anon I had to learn to be patient and just to be quiet and listen with an open mind. In fact the "open mindedness suggestion" is mentioned in the closing statement of the meetings. Being in an emotional wreck is normal so don't feel different...we all went or go thru it under the same conditions. Now that he is out of the area you are left with the chaos of the disease and without the fellowship of others who have gone thru what you are going thru now and who can hold a lantern light over the path you are walking the new journey seems dangerous because you are alone and inexperienced. It's okay to say "No", which is a complete sentence without guilt and/or shame or fear and to go to where you can start taking care of your own needs. The disease of addiction has sucked the very life out of millions of family, friends and associates of the addicted person and in fact one alcoholic or addict will negatively affect dozens of others very negatively. Practice the sentence "no" and get comfortable with the language of recovery which you will find in the face to face rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups. The hotline number is in the white pages of your local telephone book. You don't have to ever feel like you're being left for dead again. Keep coming back...((((hugs))))
I think you need to do what is best for you. Your priority is your own well being just as his is his. Keep it healthy and equal. If your not ready to see him then don't otherwise you will allow resentment to build, well that's how it works for me.x
I have just recently went through these same emotions. My husband just got out of rehab a week ago. To be honest I never visited him. I was angry when he left and we had little contact while he was there. I did speak to him when he called which was maybe every few weeks. I probably stayed away more out of anger but I think it was a good decision. He was able to focus on the reason he was there and I had time to evaluate my true feelings. I did decide to show up when he graduated and I can't explain the feelings that have come back. I know his recovery is just beginning. I am so thankful for the second chance that he has gotten. I plan to attend my first al non meeting tomorrow evening and I am hopeful. Please make the decision that you feel is right for you. I believe distanced helped my husband focus on his addiction without worrying about me or us.
