"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Quick question

imom · Senior Member

My AH claims he has been told and has read a lot of research about how a small percentage of people cannot ever be helped by recovery programs ( I.e. rehab and aa). Has anyone come across this research or is this just another one of his lame excuses to avoid recovery?

crazycatlady · Member

I think the "Double Winners" on this board can articulate this better than I can, but in the AA opening reading, it refers to a small number of "unfortunates" who do not find recovery because they are incapable of being honest with themselves and others. To this I say you never know if it will work for you until you plunge into the AA program 100%. How would one know if they thet can find recovery if they are not going to meetings and doing everything the program tells them to do? I think an active A will look for any loophole to justify continued drinking. And it is not your responsibility to convince him otherwise. You take care of yourself, set limits, lean on your HP....the rest is up to him. Engaging in such a discussion derails you from your own recovery. Hugs to you!! Crazycatlady

AngieP · Veteran Member

How it works...RARELY HAVE we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Whether those people can't be helped or whether they don't want to be helped is an open question. But think of it like a serious disease like cancer. In some forms of cancer (fortunately not many these days), such as advanced pancreatic cancer, only a small percentage will actually survive the cancer. But how many of them refuse to get treatment? A vanishingly small number. Because the truth is that if you don't do treatment, you definitely won't make it. People with cancer start the treatment and do their best. The fact that some people won't get better shouldn't stop an alcoholic any more than it should stop someone with a serious medical diagnosis. That's my view.

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

Just my opinion,

I believe it is all about being WILLING.

Some people go to Al anon, CA, AA, COda lots of twleve step groups but never recover or progress.

To get well with any disease we have to want to get better more than anything, to be open minded and honest. To connect to a power greater than yourself and do the work and continue for the rest of our days to stay well.

Your husband is right reecovery is not for everyone because some people do not want to change , maybe they have not had enough pain , maybe they are closed minded , maybe they do not believe in a poer greater than themselves but anyone who truly want to get well can it is a personal choice but you got to admit you need help and reach out;.

take what you like and leave the rest.

hugs tracy xxxx

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

If a person is convinced they will fail, they will. Period. So you are with someone that is determined to fail and wants to keep drinking.

They tell us in AA to stop thinking of ourselves at terminally unique - This means that there is nothing so special or different about me, about me and my alcoholism that I can't do whatever people before me have done to get sober.

A person that has never surrendered to the program of AA, never really worked it with everything they have is in NO POSITION to make a qualified statement about whether it works or not. So yeah...lame excuse - Disease talking and not a rational person.

To Amyclaire: AA does work. I am living proof of that. I'm sorry you've had bad expreriences with addicts and/or alcoholics who either don't work the program well or don't really work it at all. What I do know is that it works 100 percent of the time for folks that really want it and really give their all to it. Nobody emerges from AA a perfect person, but we only strive for progress.

abbyalana · Senior Member

When my exAH worked it - it worked...when he didn't - it failed. It's like any addiction out there - you have to want to stop it and do what it takes to stop.

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

from a research standpoint, it seems the odds of long-term stable sobriety (>5 years) are very small...less that 10%..no matter what the treatment approach or option..

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

http://www.a-1associates.com/aa/recovery_outcome_rates_in_aa1.htm

I don't know where people are getting their statistics from, but I am comfortable in stating - from my own experiences - that those lowball numbers of less than 10% success rate are erroneous. I pasted an article on the subject of statistics & reliability, and we can draw our own conclusions.

I would concur with what Mark stated about AA..... "What I do know is that it works 100 percent of the time for folks that really want it and really give their all to it."

There are (very occasional) success stories from people finding sobriety without AA, either "cold turkey", or some other means.... I am still a firm believer in the AA process, and think it is MANY times more successful than anything else out there, statistically speaking. My ex-AW - now sober over ten years - is also a walking testament to AA, and the good that it does do....

Tom

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

Whether you think you can or you think you can't... either way... you are right.

That's a great quote from Henry Ford and YES it applies to all aspects of our lives. Inviting in the prospect of possible failure plants that seed and the alcoholic mind will allow that seed to germinate into its own self-fulfilling prophecy.

I can only speak for myself but I know for a fact if I work MY program, it works for me. If I don't work my program, then yeah, it's not going to work. Use it or lose it.

Amyclaire - I echo pinkchip - while I'm not an alcoholic, I can say that it's been my experience watching alcoholics in recovery and they only get out of it as much as they put into it. The thing is - is how is YOUR recovery going? That apology may NEVER come - perhaps the alcoholic is trying to make amends to you in other ways that you're unaware of, or maybe they're not. But is your relationship with that A worth your serenity or not that you will make a conscious choice to remain unhappy with that A for the rest of the time you know that person until that apology finally comes?

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"