The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the 3 short months I have been on MIP with all the support and encouragement I have received, I have come a long way. I have learned to detach more and more every day. What I might or might not have done in my past cant be changed, but Im learning to except it, forgive, and move on to have a better life.
I dont live with my son so Im sure its a lot easier to detach and it gives me the space and time I need to learn and use the tools that give me peace.
I had blinders on all this time. I didnt stop and think about what I was doing ( enabling ). I was only looking at the disease and not my son. In moments of sobriety I now see he has it in him to get the help if he wants it. Anything I ever did was not his decision, it was mine.
I have guilt and fear that was my fault, I caused it. If my son wants to be the way he is, that is his decision, not mine. I will except the way he is now ( with love and kindness) and with MY boundaries in place I know he will get the message that mom loves him but will not help his disease anymore. He understands and if he doesnt right away he will soon.
Im not saying Im all better but I know with every day that passes ( with God's help ) I become stronger and stronger and can stay on my side of the street but also love my son. I can let go of that fear and guilt with prayer and all things I'm learning.
I will continue to pray for him that someday, God willing, he will be my son again.
Thank you all. I hope and pray there will be better times coming, but I also know with all the support out there Im not alone in times of trouble.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo