The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to the idea of Al-Anon. My mother has suggested that I go. My partner of the last 4 years is an alcoholic. We have had numerous arguements.. lately things have gotten physical. Today I came home from work and he was stumbling and intoxicated. This just 1 1/2 weeks after he drug me across the house by my hair, climbed on the roof naked and told the police to kill him. He spent 2 days in the acute psychiatric services center here. When he got there he blew a .45, after not drinking for 3 hours prior to being brought there.
We have had other altercations, and I had a no contact order in place over the summer due to another physical altercation where he burnt me in the face with a cigarette (BLEW A .35 THEN). He came home in September after our daughter was hospitalized for bacterial meningitis and almost died. Things were good, we even became pregnant again. Now things are unbearable and I have asked him to leave.
This is really hard for me because I love him so much. When he is sober he is the greatest person in the world, he is kind and caring, a wonderful father and partner, But when he drinks he binges and drinks for days at a time and its hell walking on eggshells trying not to set him off. I am promising myself that I will not allow him to come back, and if he gets help good for him, but here is not where he belongs.
I just know that I have allowed his alcholism to drive me to depression. I need to get help, I allow his words and his anger and his issues to affect who I am and I can no longer do that. I'm really lost and I need help. I have allowed him to tear at every bit of my soul and turn me into an angry, bitter person. That's not me. I don't know where to begin, but I figure venting and telling someone else the truth about what has been going on is a good start. Hopefully I can find an al-anon meeting in my area.
Why I don't have the answers for you other than finding a local alanon meeting close to you and attend as soon as possible.
I can totally identify with the chaos you are exsperiencing with you AH. My A tried to choke me to death in November. I too know the sweet and caring side of my A and it's hard to allow the bad overshadow the good (as backwards as that sounds). I too have held onto the hope that he could change or recover somehow from this crazy life!
I've come to realize it may never be possible. I moved out immediately & had no contact for awhile but I have personally been unsuccessful removing him from my life completly. I know that is in my best interest but each day is a struggle.
Alanon definatley makes a huge difference in your thinking & just being surrounded by others who have been where you are & understand all you are feeling & going thru is so comforting! Please check into a meeting as soon as you can. You must keep yourself and child(ren) safe as well. No one should go thru the abuse we subject ourselves to in loving these alcoholics creating chaos & insanity around us.
Take care of yourself!
Welcome motherof5, you did a good thing for yourself writing on this board. I hope you can come back in future, read and share experiences, and learn new tools to deal with life. Al Anon is a good place for that. I don't know where i would be today if I didn't come here. Take time and take care of yourself, you deserve it.
Aloha Mother of Five and welcome to the board also. You will find lots of help and support here as y ou will in the face to face meeting rooms of Al-Anon...Those meetings mean so much to me because they are face to face. I read your post and get the assurance that you are a kind, giving and forgiving woman and that you know how to love...at this point I remember my counselor asking me the question, "What do you suppose it feels like to be loved by you" and I broke down and cried because it was that love that I wanted returned from my alcoholic/addict wife. She was too addicted and sick to return to me what I gave to her and I stopped expecting from her what it was she could not do.
Get into the rooms of Al-Anon and start loving and giving to yourself what it is that you give to others. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Along the top of this page there is a red bar with the words 'Search'.
If you type 'Domestic Violence' into this you will find lots of posts from members, new and old of this web site who have experienced a very similar life to that which you are experiencing.
You will find, sadly, that you are not alone.
You do not deserve to be treated as you are by your AH's behaviour.
You will also get lots of information as to how you can protect yourself from your states/country's Domestic Violence hot-line.
We care about you.
Every good wish......I also had a large family....
Thank you all. It is extremely hard, and I find it even harder to hold my ground. I have 3 children who live with me, 1 who lives out of state and one that i am pregnant with. I think part of the reason I keep taking him back is because when things are good, he is a wonderful father, hell... when things are bad, he is still a loving and caring father. I am so scared to do this on my own, so I allow his behavior to continue. But no more. After yesterday I won't allow him to walk in and out of our lives, I won't allow him to hurt me and in turn hurt my children by hurting me.
