After hearing my daughter be drunk again this weekend and learning she was fighting with her one last friend whose been there for her since they were in the 1st grade, I decided to send this email to her.

 I probably shouldn't have as her replies were spewing hatred to me afterward.  She threatened to wrap her car around a tree, blamed me for how she feels along with her ex bf, and finally at the end of the ranting said she'd drink last night just for me, her ex best friend, and her ex bf since we all think she's a piece of sh*t. 

 

An hour or so later, she then emailed saying she would like to get help....yes, I've been down this path before with her rethinking if she wants to lose me for good also and agreeing to help.  I did not reply or react to any of her ranting.  The email asking for help, I sent phone numbers to and said I'd help if she's ready to seek help.  She showed up at the gym last night, looking so unhappy and overweight (she's gained so much the more she's drinking).  It was good to see her on one hand, terrible and frightening on the other. 

 

I will be there for help, but if she does not follow through I will HAVE to be out of her life.  I can't watch her fall.  I have to Let go, Let God.  I can't control this.  I'd like to get her pack her up and take her somewhere and leave her for two months (because I know one isn't going to cut it), but I can't.  Financially and logically. 

I'm so lost, ashamed as a parent, and wishful that I had my beautiful daughter back. 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi *,

 

I'm writing this because I'm a worried sick parent. I'm writing to ask one last time if you'll please look for help with your alcohol problem. We know its there. It didn't change from sources we sought out and figured out there is an issue. If anything its gotten much worse.

For 8 months now it has been pretty extreme.  * this isn't things other people are doing. You can't say that anymore, 'that everyone is doing it'. Its not true. Only you and * are at the point of it being a problem now.

 

We love you so much and its killing us to see you walking a tight rope trying to balance a normal life with the insanity of alcohol issues.

Do you know Dad and I discussed that if you were completely sober we'd both be fine with you living at home for free and just doing chores around the house? We hate this so much that we would rather have a child who lives with us until they're ready to be out free and just working than to listen to and see what is happening.

 

*, you are losing or have lost most of your friends. You haven't kept a friend, except *, since High School. This is almost 7 years and is spiraling now out of control. You can not maintain relationships or friendships with the way you act when you are out and when you drink. I've heard it said so much recently and think of you when I do...."no one likes a drunk, especially a drunk woman" No MU friends were kept, you told them off. Work friends weren't kept, no Kevin, Kristen, Liz, and now no more word of Heather. You can't tell people off and tell them they're losers while falling off a bar stool. They'll walk away shaking their head. They aren't in trouble with the law, they aren't drinking almost every night if not every night. They just aren't.

You worry so much about people talking about you but you go out and give them fuel for the fire. They WILL stop if you no longer do this. Its that simple. No one talks about people who are living a normal healthy life.

 

I will drop everything today and from here on to help you get help. We tried it before only for the weekends to come and you blow me off all over again. We tried the agreement and the offer of help with payments.

I will do anything and be there for you Every Single Step of the way to help get you beyond this problem.

We will find a place somehow, some way that will fit your work schedule. I will go with you to every single appointment or whatever it takes even if they disapprove of me being there. I will go to every single thing.

 

In 30 days this life and turmoil and issues can begin to be behind you. You will have a foothold on your life and your behavior again.

 

I Promise you, if you stop this your friends will come back, the future will look and be SO much brighter and you'll learn to tolerate people again and not be so angry all the time and upset and mad all the time.

Alcohol is a depressant...you know it, you've heard it, we've heard it. It is a Fact. When you drink you may be on a high for a short period that night but everything after is negative the rest of the night, the morning after and now with legal issues for many months and years after.

 

If you don't seek help, there is nothing ahead but bad things. You can never have a relationship with a decent normal guy. You'll find guys or men that also just want to drink and their life will not be good either. Again, no one likes a drunk. It can't be any clearer than that.

 

If you choose not to stop and/or get help, as we've talked about anything that comes up will be on you. As you posted one day, you're 22 and you can make your own decisions. As you and I also discussed I can't and won't babysit you. I WILL sit with you, I WILL hang with you, I WILL go with you to get help. I/We won't be available for bad choices.

 

We can't afford to pay your house payment if you drive and are arrested again. Ruger would have to go to a shelter or someone else. We don't want another dog inside. We can't afford your bills on top of our own if something happens. Your car would need to be sold anyway. If you drive, you'll lose your license for 10 years I think it is. No good job, no transportation, no home any longer. No coming to be with us.

This is what faces you if you don't stop.

 

Its not fun to hear you drunk or see pictures of you out again and drunk. Its a horrible thing for us to be going through. This isn't the beautiful little girl we had and raised and had in our home and took care of. This is a bottle destroying her slowly and painfully over time.

 

I'm asking you to not get mad about this, there is nothing I'm trying to be mean about. I'm trying to lay out the facts and put it in black and white and I'm trying above ALL ELSE....to offer to get help. Today, tomorrow, don't wait.

 

We have SO much to look forward to and do but we can't do it with a bottle in between us. Please be done with it and all of this. PLEASE.

 

Just say the one word HELP and let me know you're ready and I'll start calling for places that we can go and we'll do every night until you feel better if we have to. It Has to be your choice to once and for all stop.

 

I love you,

 

Mom