The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am sorry, my posts are so scared recently. But I just am trying hard to see through this.
newest accusations of my ex, 'you have a polluted mind, with all that reading you do, false knowledge, it's not the truth about life...i feel sorry for you, i hope you realize one day, how wrong you are'....this and more, just because I refused to see him in person.
anybody similar defenses showing? as you can see, I am STILL in the doubt...a little bit less every day...but STILL. is that the madness wnating to pull me in or what?this is crazyyyyyyyyyy! whereas I can so much relate to Al Anon literature, i don't feeel it is 'polluting' my mind, it is more of the opposite...it has helped me to work out many answers.and coming he has kept me as 'healthy' as possible in these circumstances.
Alcoholics commenting on what's sane and what's insane -- it would be funny if it weren't so sad. They try to normalize their drinking. The dangerous thing is that we lose perspective and think it's normal too -- hiding drinks, lying, stealing, drinking around the clock, passing out, driving drunk, starting arguments... I'm sure there's no one on these boards that hasn't seen their alcoholic do many of these things. And the alcoholics try to gaslight us into thinking those things are normal. It sounds as if your A is really stuck in his denial. Don't mistake his insanity for reality! Take care of yourself.
To him, alanon is a huge threat. It's like any one of your friends that might tell you to leave him. Usually the addict/alcoholic winds up dividing you from all your friends or chasing them off because getting you isolated is how they keep you trapped. It's the same with alanon - If he could divide you from it, he would have more control over you and you'd be more isolated.
Also, most addicts and alcoholics are averse to finding out anything about themselves in books. They think that they defy rules with their drinking and using and do not believe they are just common run of the mill drunks and/or junkies. They think they are special and able to use drugs and alcohol in a way that makes it acceptable or okay when it's not. Hence, they have great disdain (when in their active addiction) for books that might explain or predict their behavior.
You don't need to apologize for your posts. It's not coming off as scared. This is painful for you on many levels. It's not about him as much as it is about your fears of being alone, letting go, the future... We've all been there...
The two best lessons I ever learned in alanon were: How to live and let live and How to validate my choices without trying to convince anyone I was right.
The alanon closing brought this fact home very clearly. "The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who spoke them, take what you like and leave the rest." I finally learned to accept the very basic simple fact that we are all entitled to our opinions and that is what make alanon and this country strong. Unity in diversity.
To explain that a little further I was always very careful to LET others live, I would support their choices, there life styles and strive to honor their lives and , support their dreams. HOWEVER I never gave myself the permission to LIVE nor did I honor my choices or life style. I did not know how to do that without making my partner change and agree with me as well.
That is how I truly abandoned myself and lost connect with my inner true being.
Now I can have an opinion based on my research, my faith, my conscience, my principles without having to have anyone else's approval This is what makes us individual So Your BF may not agree with your belief system, just as you may not agree with his and you can still have a relationship . You may never convince him of your beliefs so let it be and continue to support your ideas and principles without abandoning your inner self or arguing the points with him.
Just as at a meeting, out in the world you are free to validate your ideas and actions and not accept "judgement or criticism . That you believe them is enough.
Tortuga, that is what manipulators do. I'll never forget my ex-husband stating these words. "Do not pray for me. Everything you pray for turns to SH*T". That's when I knew I was in the wrong place. Stay strong for yourself.
