The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have realised that immediately after a crisis, any crisis, I am relieved that all is ok and I am actually quite happy and I can go on as if nothing has happened but then comes the reality and I begin to get angry. I then want to let my anger out by shouting and being dramatic but Im trying hard to work my programme.
If I was to add up the costs my eldest son has caused unnecessarily it would run into thousands. That part I can handle, after all, I allowed it to continue but the bit that really gets to me is that he actually does not care. He thinks of no 1 always. I can feel the resentment building up and for my sake I don't want to feel this way. I also think that while my son is drunk he acts in a delibrate and determined way to upset me. He wants to punish me. Maybe he senses my guilt and blames me too. My HP is sending me a message thats for sure.
I have worked pretty hard on the resentment issues. I think its deep stuff personally but it is possible to not have resentments against an alcoholic. First and foremost to get to the point of seeing it as a disease which is not easy at all. Then forgiving ourselves for getting all tangled up in it.
I do see all the alcoholics and addicts I have dealt with as "diseased" now and when someone has a disease you have to be careful it does not infect you. The side of the fence I go on when I am dealing with an alcoholic is to be aware they are completely self absorbed and that isn't necessarily a good thing for them or others.
It is easiest to be free of the anger when things have changed for ourselves -- when we are no longer in that place where we get battered by their chaos. The more I took care of myself, the less I succumbed to anger. I hope you will take care of yourself too.
Well lc, i have a theory or truth that I have learned....unless you have taught a kid from the age of 2 that you mean what you say and say what you mean and that they can't get away with bad behaviour then you have a chance of him/her not talking back to you or being physically abusive. But unless you are 6'4" with a black belt in martial arts they are probably going to continue to be cowards and be abusive verbally and physically because there is no man around to stop them. I raised 3 boys on my own and one of them taught me this over and over again. Unfortunately I had to call our local cop who was 6'4 to talk to him about his distruction. My son learned that he could not break things or abuse me verbally. At the time this was my only resource until I learned to say what I mean, and mean what I say. Go to lots of meetings LC and get a sponsor and read, read, read, this will help a lot....you can do this. The way I look at it you have a perfect right to get mad, but don't let it obsess you, talk it out with someone like a sponsor. Eventually they did arrest my son, because he threatened my life and they did take him away...he was only 14 and didnt learn a lot, but he did learn he couldnt threaten me. In support Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
Thank you for responding. I will keep reading these posts because I know change begins with me. I just need to stick to my word and put him out. He says he's going to ask his dad if he can move in with him. His dad is currently sober and in aa since Xmas so probably not a good idea but I will ask my hp for guidance and I will try to let go and let god.x
