The material presented
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So our dear son has a place to stay at my sister inlaws, he has made it into work with a little bit of help from her having to wake him up a few times, she has not been happy with his comings and goings, providing meals for him of which he has not been turning up for, my husband is in constant contact with the pair of them and as for me I am choosing to stay on the side lines, so our son got drunk on sunday evening and my sisterinlaw got to see what that looks like, she knows anyway her father was an alchoholic, she told my husband her brother she will not tollerate this, I would prefer not to know any of this if I am honest, and so I am thinking she needs to put our son out, she is 64 and is terminally ill so I understand this is not good for her, but I did and do still have hope that she could be the one that he listens too and can help him turn his life around, this could still happen who knows.
Life at home is peaceful battling with love ones is so draining I didn't realise how much so until I am suddenly not anymore, I feel I am at a stronger view point at this distance to love my son unconditionally yet not be his soft landing, i have faced so many emotions getting to this point, fear guilt shame, it feels for me like i have been trying to cut the apron strings along time, these addicts know the buttons to press with each and every one of us, my husband is at a different stage to me, i just keep asking him to pull with me and not against, i don;t want the good cop bad cop syndrome, ours sons common welfare is all that matters, and our desires and hopes for him are pretty much the same, I hadn't realised how much better I feel in myself to remove myself through my own choice from something that is hurting me, don't get me wrong I am still hurting my heart is heavy, I should be asleep now but my whirling thoughts have awoken me, it's just when I am immerced in the whole sorry mess I am not functioning correctly, no good for myself let alone my son.
When we are born into an alchoholic family we know no different until we do, look at me 52 and still trying to work it out and expecting a 21 year old to just get it because I told him so, noone ever turned an a out in my family, usually the none a has walked out, both of those a's could not live without their enablers and left this world, I don't want this to happen for our son, I know it could though, our daughter thinks our son could do with some councilling to talk with someone inpartial that is not connected to him emotionally, someone that would not judge him or ridicule, people ask all the time on here when? how? what? todo, all I know is you know when you know, and here I am doing relatively nothing but praying and a ray of light has shone upon us, takecare Mip of yourselves first and foremost if you can, love to you all x Katy
Your daughter's instincts are right but he can find those people to talk to for free at any AA meeting. It can be found regularly in one person (a sponsor) for free. Not that you can make him go to that either. Usually people don't hit rehab and/or AA til later but I have seen several folks 21 and younger land in AA/rehab. Usually drugs makes them get there faster.
I have finally detached from my son and things already have been better for me. I pray, journal, read and work on myself everyday. I don't talk to him right now so I won't get involved in his problems at all. He hasn't called me either so that's a good thing.
I pray he will get his life together but I'm NOT going to interfere ever again. If he wants his life back he knows where to go and get it...but HE has to want it....NOT ME.
I love him and will continue to be kind and supportive in recovery.......and he knows this.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Well I do not know that my family ever turned anyone out before but they certainly resented them deeply and held judgments against them so I doubt their attitude helped.
I know neighbors from my childhood who went back home to take care of alcoholic relatives and I can very much understand why and how.
These days I have boundaries. As a child I could have none. Thanks for al anon I get to work on them every day.
