The material presented
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Good for you! Sending you much strength and support.
It makes me cringe that the man is telling you that the 1 thing you need is professional help, but that professional help wont work for him. Hrm.. Insanity perhaps? Total hypocrisy? Yep.
I guarantee a psychiatrist will tell you that you probably have some anxiety and depression that is caused by being so unhappy and worried in your marriage. They might look into meds as an option, but there is absolutely NOTHING wrong in your psychiatric functioning in terms of how you are processing the status of his alcoholism and where you marriage is at.
It's sad that you have been in the role of Ms. Fix it so long that even your 10 year old believes that's your job. I don't think it would be inappropriate to tell your child "It's not mommy's job to fix your father's drinking problem" and leave it at that. It will teach them boundaries (if said without being nasty or too judging...you get my drift).
Anyhow, I am proud of you Imom. I know this is not easy and you are in the worst of it right at this moment. It will pass if you just keep doing the next right thing and praying. Face to face alanon if you can go will help a lot.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Monday 21st of January 2013 08:37:47 PM
I signed the papers today and the divorce will be filed tomorrow. I told my AH and also told him that I am requesting he be removed from the house for the emotional safetynof myself and my kids. Of course he said he would need to be forcefully removed and that I was breaking up our family. He said everything would be fine if I would just do the one thing he asked which is to get a psychiatric evaluation.
I know I did the right thing, but it still hurts so bad. My kids are unhappy even though they have been asking me to do this. I am sad that my dreams are dead and I am sad for my kids, but things had to change. They could not continue like this. I am trying to be strong but it is so hard. I am praying for the strength to not back down.
He keeps saying that professional help will not work for him and that he might never be able to quit drinking. I cannot live that way anymore.
My son keeps telling me I didn't try hard enough to fix the drinking problem. I have tried to explain it to him but he is only 10 and he is very upset.
Is there an alateen group in the area?? It would help your son understand what has happened, I would encourage some kind of therapy with an addictions counselor if possible. I know it's hard and scary. It's time for you to take care of you. Sending love and support. P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Imom...if u read my last post u wiil see and know why I cried when I read yours. I havent done it yet...but. need to.mine too blames....he has no plan to change..its me thats the problem. Ive bern holding us tog for 13 yrs and now there is an eight yo. He says if the marriage ends uts all on me...how do we do it. Gid bless to u for finding and retaining the strength
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Your A's disease is shouting so loudly right now because the door has been opened and the light of reality is shining in. This is what his insanity has led to, and he is trying like mad to deflect it onto you.
When I first separated from my AH, I had a small panic attack on the day. He moved out willingly, but I was overwhelmed with thinking, "I bet this is a big mistake! What am I doing?! This feels wrong!!" I talked to my friends and they reminded me of all the chaos and insanity he had been putting me through. And there was plenty. Things had gotten really insane and I had become used to crazy levels of insanity.
The next day, when he was really gone, I felt so peaceful. I have never had to deal with that insanity being in my face again. I have felt peaceful ever since. I'm wishing that same peace for you. I wouldn't be surprised if it's just around the corner.
Hes not agreeing to making it easy. If hed just go id find panic then peace. But for me the panic continued ss he wants to sell housr first...really?? Hiw long will thst take...how many more fights and pain.iv got family help but he refuses it unless I want to pay emotionally..i feel a bit trapped
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
imom, I will continue to pray for you to have courage and strength through all of this. As someone else suggested, maybe your son would find some comfort at an Alateen meeting. There he can see he is not alone.
Ah called....now hes wanting marital cnslg. Now!!!??? And if u priceede w div he says he will fight for 50/50custody....so whete do.i go....i cant losr 50% of my time...i just cant...so do.i give in and agree to counseling...cause that will be a walk in the park...
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Please stay in the moment and in the day. Projecting into the future and reliving the past is a destructive tool we develop living with this disease. Keep an open mind on the counseling subject. Ask him if his insurance covers such a benefit and how best can it be accessed? if not suggest a 12 step counselor and ask when an appointment could be made. You can show up for this and see where it goes
If you have access to help from family and he will abuse you emotionally if you accept, I would recommend that since he is already doing that, and if that help will enable you to act in your best interest then ask for it.
As for shared custody that is an unknown and I would ask HP for the courage, serenity and wisdom to do his will just as the The 11th Step suggests."We pray only for HP's will and the power to carry it out "
I have found the quote from Eleanor Roosevelt so very true:
"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. ...
Sending hugs to you! Yes, things will be rough but please know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and after dark days the sun will shine again once more. Keep coming back! These boards are so supportive...combined with therapy and f2f meetings I know I can finally breathe again! Sending positive thoughts and strength your way!
Thinking of you. I can file on February 4. My boys are older and support me and it is still such a hard thing to do so I can't imagine the added pressure of your kids being young and thinking you are hurting daddy. Stay strong.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
