The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night we hit an all time low around here. My AD got home from work, she got paid yesterday (works a part time job) we have proof that she had stolen some of my husbands SSI check and almost caused our rent check to bounce. We also are sure she recently stole a large amount of his pain medication. We were basically hanging on till she got paid this weekend to help us get some of the bills paid we couldn't pay last week when our money came up missing. We confronted her about the missing money and pills, she denied it all. I told her we would have to call the police and we will be pulling the video's from the store that will tell us for sure who made the transactions on our debit card.
She refused to give us any money to contribute to the household, said her check was too small to "spare" any money. She and her 6 kids have been living here, she can't even wash her own clothes or pick up her own dishes. Sleeps till noon or later every day and goes to work around 4 comes home at 8 and isolates herself while I get her kids ready for bed. We do have her food stamps to help with food, but that doesn't pay for the water, utilities, or clothing we have to take care of for 6 more people. So, I told her she needs to go. She said she would in a very ugly shouting match.
It's almost noon here, shes still here, all the kids are here (where they will remain - shes not allowed to be alone with them). There was so much drama last night, I don't want the kids to have to deal with this again this morning. My eyes are swollen practically shut from crying last night, I slept with her 3 year old twins, my 5 year old and her 14 year old huddled on the couch with me all night. Some of you might remember from my last post, my hubby is very ill and blind.. he is no help when it comes to any of this... in fact I'm trying to protect him from the drama as well. I can't deal with him going back to the hospital again right now.
So sorry u are going thru this all. You must stand fast On your word, she must leave & take her house key to prevent her from returning. If she gets out of control or hostile u may need to involve the police to help resolve it as calm as possible. Call on your HP for strength right now - I know it is ever so difficult. Hang In there, you are doing the right thing to protect yourself & your husband and all these children. Where she goes is her problem, not
Your burden anymore. ((hugs))
We cannot advise you but I can share that when we don't follow through with our plans and boundaries, nothing changes. Threats do not work with A's, they know too well we love them and don't want to see them hurt. I know how hard this is, but ask yourself if you can continue with things as they are? Hugs to you, this is not an easy road to be on.
I am so sorry to hear this is where you are at, it can and will get better if you stand your ground, if you know you can't force her out on your own call the police and have them show her out and great idea above to get your key back. Make sure you are really ready to do this and follow through if you are. I truly believe everyone deserves to have peace in their home and it sometimes takes a storm to get it there. I am sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thank you guys.... she got up and went to work, earlier than the norm and took my van.... So, I have a momentary break from the drama. I probably should have insisted on driving her, but I just wasn't prepared I had forgotten she worked the "early" shit today.
I reminded her on the way out she was going to have to make arrangements to find somewhere else to stay. I told her she could not keep using my van, she had told me that she was working today and didn't have a way there, so I let her use the van since there wasn't time to do anything else. I felt somewhat defeated, but glad she was leaving at least for the day.
Your opinion please..... she works days tomorrow too.. should I give her till tomorrow night to get out? Or should I hold steadfast that she needs to leave now?
You will have to search within yourself and decide what you really want and how to accomplish that. Do you pray, hand it over to your Higher Power and see what answers come to you. This is your life and you get to make the decisions to make it how you want it. I realize you have lots of young people to care for and a sick husband with that comes more responsibility and more need for serenity. You will know when it is time and if it is, you know your options. I am sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Breakingfree is right, give yourself time and space and permission to really think through what is best for you, your husband and the children. Seek your HP guidance, there is not likely one easy way to handle this.
Momma if you are not attending face to face Al-Anon meetings yet I suggest that right off. If. You're not go find the hot
line number in the white pages of your local telephone book and calll it to hear where and when we get together in your
area and come a get face to face support. MIP is here for you and Al-Anon is what helped most. Changing your enabling
Habits is going to take a crowd of us around you. You're being used and abused and only you can change that. So is your husband. Please keep coming back for support. ((((hugs))))
