My share continues!

We are at a very important part of the process and soon my manfriend and I can meet. Could be weeks. yikes. Its is amazing to be with a person who has had the same experience with a spouse A.

No one could understand the horror of seeing your spouse disappear more than a common experienced friend.  We both were very much in love with our A's.

I see him going thru what I did, so I know how to be careful, and let things be simple and easy. Hey I get mad at him and call him a jerk u bet! lol but I always say I love you anyway. He is a man, he stands firm and listens and waits for me to explain so he gets it. Usually I just want to meet him so bad and affection is not really easy to feel with out meeting.

It is time to meet. The relationship is at that point. Its a totally new experience, how do we put the people we know so well into the bodies??? He said well we can go into different rooms and talk on the phone. lol

I think I want to meet at night in the dark and close my eyes and just listen to him talk as i sit next to him and we hold hands. wow how cool to be able to have my feelings and be able to kiss him and him kiss me. Believe me we have talked about everything from brushing teeth to body parts....lol.

I want to go to La for sure. and be where no one else knows. I just want it that way at first. It will be a culture shock as it is. PLUS it has to be soon or in the fall as I cannot handle that weather the first time. Plus I want to dress like I do in Oregon. NO shorts. yikes.

Need to be strong too as I don't believe in hmmm sex before marriage. That oughta be interesting.....He is well, it is clear, um well hmmm well he loves a woman ok? But he told me if he has to he will go for a walk or whatever. It has been over ten years since i have even been kissed. I have stayed away from men.

He has not been loved for at least 5. He is moving so i would love to help him, I do not want to be a guest. I want to go there and help.

Anyway I just cannot even think how living with an A can ever be ok. In fact in my life I have never seen a happy marriage with one. NOW I think you can have an ok one for awhile. But the truth is, it seems when they get older it gets so much worse, or they die early.

Myself, my experience is I want more out of my life than to watch the person I love dying in front of me, especially when they are so abusive. Mine was physically abusive.

If he was not, I may still have been with him.

I guess I choose the usual problems, him always talking about pipes and HUGE machinery when all I want is oh comere and let me kiss your neck...haha I tell him, he is an engineer, Engineers do it logically and focused.....lol He is very logical, I am very emotional. He is very very sensitive, but most would not know it. His grand daughter melts him. lol so cute.

I think of the A still and get tears. I remember when he was in recovery, what a beautiful man in and out he was. Played his guitar and sang to me, brought me flowers, always started my jeep in the morn, treated me like a lady, we made our bed together, I went to work with him. he helped me drag home huge rocks for my pond.

ugh

No I am over him as for me I know the man I married is dead. No question.

I am so so happy with my guy now. Its so normal. We get each other. Like two kids who are 7 years old and grow up together catching frogs. That is how we are. I am so blessed.

Not sure I ever came here and shared I had a scary health thing. 60% of people die before they get to hospital. Blood clots from my infected dang tooth where the stupid cap fell off. rrrrrr. Was a very scarey recovery too, transylvania hospital ever dang day for over 2 weeks. he would text me and keep me company., Then when I sat there in tears he would text me something stupid that I just could not think was funny at the time i needed it will be ok honey,not some dumb suppose to be funny thing. ugh. lol

HE is still learning on that one. lol I cannot wait to run at him and drag him down to the ground and tickle him. lol sounds weird, but he has not ever been goofed around with by a woman......wow does he ever have something coming. My doc told me to tell him that his life will never be boring with me.....true.

So there is a bit of the saga. I HOPE to don't tell him go there mid Feb. If I had the money, I would just show up. really.

Please you all, go find something to give yourself pleasure. There is so much beauty out there, you have so much to give. Giving is the only way we can feel better.  love,debilyn