The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi,
Lost it a bit this morning. Was not in a great mood my A is still trying drinks most days, not fall down drunk but under the influence. I'm not mentioning it at all, going to my meetings trying to do the readings but I am fed up. I can't stand it when I see her under the influence with our two beautiful young kids it drives me insane.
This morning I was down and she was on her way to work and she asked what was the matter. I said I was fed up and she asked why. I said you know why, she walked out and went to work.
I know it's a disease, I know she is trying and I perhaps should text her to say sorry for being in a bad mood but you know I might not...
Anyway vent over, let go and let god.
Tim
Feel better now? *hugs* I have often found when I say the words "you know why", that sometimes they really don't know why. They really might know why, but it can't hurt to tell her your real feelings, again and again and again if necessary. If she is trying, as you say, then she will want to do what makes you happy. I found out with my alcoholic bf, who is now almost 12 days sober, it took a while of repeating myself, that I wasn't happy with how things were. But when I was trying to hide my feelings, I seemed to just suffer alone.
It's such a tricky thing...in a relationship you want to share your feelings...your frustrations...which I think is appropriate. However...if you are trying to guilt her into changing or like in my case.. MAKE HIM CHANGE by being righteous and making him feel bad...then that is OUR disease.
Isnt that the truth....13yrs and counting and im convinced he just things im a miserable @#&$! bc I like it that way and coose to be sour...yup, couldnt have thing to do w his choices....
__________________
When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
I have been learning every single day in this program and one thing that I have learned is that repeating myself, even by using other words is manipulation. It is a form of trying to control a situation that I have no control over and me repeatiing myself, expecting different results is insanity. The key is working my program and I call an al anon friend and vent to them....or like you did, here on a post. Progress not perfection. I too have lost it when my old pre-al anon ways sneak up on me. Then I beat myself up and am angry with myself for doing what I know is not what Al Anon has taught me to do....it happens. I have to continully remind myself to be gentle with me. Its ok, and I am certainly not alone.
Hi, I agree with bonnie lass. You can only change you and your attitude. Maybe you could set some boundaries in regard to your children. I understand this could be difficult as they are only valuable if you can take action should they be crossed. It is a family disease but at least you have alanon and your kids have one sane parent in their life's. Take care of you.
