The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My love has only been away a week in a 90 day rehab program yet I feel like I am the one being punished. Granted the past 90 days with him had been pure hell, but I seem to be glossing over the bad, and miss him to the point I have shut down. I think I operated so long on sheer nervous energy that now that he has taken his antics away I am left in a pile. The crazy part is- I should be so happy that he is getting help, yet I am so lost and lonely that I am a train wreck. The reality is I have no idea what to expect on the other side of this and am realizing how insecure and needy I really am to have gotten myself in this kind of mess in the first place. Before he went away I asked him "how can you ever love me when you don't love yourself?" Truth is I don't think I have ever loved myself which was easy to egnore because his behavior was so insane that I never stopped to look at myself. Now that I am in the silence with only my own thoughts I am having a hard time finding the good in all of my pain. Is there a happy ending to this story and how do I write it?
Yes, definitely yes, as long as you run to Al Anon face to face meetings. I only have a few minutes to respond; I wanted to give you hope asap. BIG HUG, you have an incredible amount of courage within
Honestly I am asking myself the same thing although my husband is graduating rehab tomorrow. I felt complete peace when he finally went. I started to feel a burden lift that I had not felt in so long. He has been the man in my life for almost 12 years. I have been on a roller coaster for the past four years with his drug abuse and lies. I was so sure before that if I could distance myself from him I would be completely done. I actually was looking in to filing divorce papers two weeks ago. Now I am mot sure. I want to see how life after rehab could be. I am hopeful for his recovery but don't know what to expect. He is not coming home because I don't believe the back and forth is good for our children. I also don't know how I will deal with him. I want to believe that I can get over the past but I am not sure. I told him before he left that I only wanted him to get healthy... I just pray that rehab was helpful!
People told me that awareness was always an honest point to start from. So i tried to stay in awareness... sometimes more, sometimes less...getting better at it. Yes I wanted to believe many things the way they seemed best for me. But that wasn't reality often of the time. I found excuses for someones behavior, or mine, to stay in my little fantasy world. Because what was out there honestly hurt too much to take it for real. But at that time I also had the will to live more of this life...in a healthy way. My motivation to look back on a healthy life grew more strong than anything else...so I kept up the work, the reading, the learning...and I found out things. I call it: the fog has lifted and sun is coming through. i also learned that not every day is a sunny day, and that the foggy days are part of me. I learned to accept me as I am. and I learned to take care of myself...it's a calm feeling. It's not the 'Happy ending' , like in movies, it's not drama, it's not extreme...but it's good, it's calm. Did my loved one get better during all this time? Well my new ways confronted us with reality... he still has difficulties accepting that. he still has difficulties to admitting the existence of a disease. he certainly stopped the liquid, and he gave up smoking his addiction to weed that he used to compensate now, but as I learned also further into program, being 'dry' doesn't necessarily mean into recovery, because he doesn't work any spiritual program, he doesn't take care of his mind and spirit, so he still is in the madness many times, which are crazy, irrational...his body is safe ..for now. But his place at the moment, as I see it, is a very temporary, dangerous place to be in. because he hasn't learned to cope... and his thoughts are getting suicidal. we can only take care of ourselves, what others do with their lives, and which choices they go for...well it's simply none of my business. I, for my part learn to enjoy all types of weather, be it sun, fog, rain, storm...which just gives me more moments of serenity and peace. you write your own story, what type is it gonna be?and who is the main character in that story?
Yes things will get better if he continues working his program and you work yours with Al Anon.
I was a BAD codependent enabler and had the same turmoil you faced. Truly that is unhealthy. It hurt me and hindered my sister's recovery. A friend of mine, who is a recovering addict, talked me in to at least trying Al Anon. I'm SO glad I did.
My sister has stayed with her recovery program and I've stayed with mine. And things are so much better. We are back on a healthy, positive path.
ther is so much hope, I believe that my recovery really began when my partner went into rehab like you I went into withdrawal from my drug HIM.
There was no me left without him and his disease. I faced and experienced the pain you talk about it was hard but awreness brings change. i believe I took the right action.
I was in al anon and I joined Coda too, I really through myself into me getting to know me, heal me, work my recovery. I joined a step group, went to lots of meeting, I started spending more time alone it was hard at first but i began to enjoy my own company.
My partner has had slips since that stint in recovery today i can see our recovery paths are seperate, today we are not emeshed i work on me he works on him his recovery is none of my businese. Your Hp is showing you , that you are ill too we always tell them to go and get well today I lead by example.
hugs tracy good luck it works if you work it and you are worth it xx
This is an awesome time to get into your own recovery, while he is working his. Unfortunately living with an alcoholic/addict we become so emeshed in their lives, problems, behaviors etc we tend to lose our own sense of self. Alanon is the best gift you can give yourself right now. Rehab works if the person wants it to work and is dedicated to changing their lives. My son has done rehab 3 times, learned to play the game, what to say, what people wanted to hear but he wasn't interested in getting sober so for him it didn't work. It wasn't his choice to go in the first place. However I have seen rehab work in many of my family when they went there because they wanted to. But this time is for you now, your recovery which you will find is just as intense as his recovery. Both are life long journeys. He is going to change if he accepts recovery, as a couple it is best if you change together . I wish you all the best Blessings
